Hey sorry you need us.
First off in the eyes of the law a minor cant give consent wich is why they see her as the victim.
Unfortunately like almost all of these case we are the forgotten victims in this what people need to understand is that the family are often the forgotten victims and in a few case are dealing with a lot more then what most people they are.

There's something else to keep in mind she may be fine now but what about when she is older and wants a family? Thats when something like this can come back and bit her with stuff like depression, drinking, ptsd, panic attacks just to mention a few things.
Iam just trying to get you to see some of the long run stuff she may have to deal with.

I completely get this post. My situation is different but it's really hard to go from feeling you had a great life to... this. I'm naturally a very honest person and the last 45 days have been awful lying too so many people. While it's only 45 days, it feels like a life time already. And I just miss my life. I miss the man I married. I totally feel like a victim of this. I know my husband is being strong while he goes to treatment and tons of medical appointments to figure out what happened. But I feel left behind and without my best friend

My situation is so similar to yours. My BF cheated on me with his underage student and we are now both going through individual therapy and couples counseling. His therapist insists on saying "the victim" when talking about this girl instead of using her name. It makes me incredibly mad. She initiated the whole thing, manipulated him and did everything in her power to keep him hooked. I know it sounds like I'm excusing him, I am not. He was so stupid to allow this to happen. But it is so wrong in my mind to call her "the victim". What happened between them was all she ever wanted, she had never been happier. I understand that legally she's the victim. But outside of that, absolutely not. She has ruined my life, she is no victim.

All of the love to you!! <3
I completely understand you.
I think we all agree that what our significant others did is not being excused on our parts. No matter how you slice it, being with an underage person is at the most basic levels selfish and arrogant. It's even more frustrating when the "victim" is less innocent than one would have you believe. In my case, the person my husband was with had a history of attempting to hook up with older men, all of them older than what my husband was (a measly 21 with a 16 year old). All the same, it's incredibly frustrating to be in our positions.
I'm just grateful we all have each other.

I agree and I see both sides of this. My bf should have known better and walked away as the adult. Yes, she is the one who initiated everything and who chased him. Yes, she got her mother to bring her into her mother's work where he was an overnight superintendent to meet him. Yes, she had been giving her father's 62 yr old best friend blow jobs that she bragged about to everyone. But he still should've walked away. He didn't and now our lives are forever changed. His kids lives are too. No he's not a pedophile, just a guy who made a very poor choice. And yes, I do feel like a victim also. My life will never be the same and I hate that. But I work in mental health with children who have suffered mostly from abuse. Incest, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, and many children of drug addicts. These kids have sex for all the wrong reasons. Many of them are extremely promiscuous because of being sexually abused at extremely young ages and never healing right emotionally. And even though they initiate the sex, they are still further hurt when men sleep with them. They need help. There is a reason why the law considers them children. BUT, I also work with teens who have never been abused who become sexually active in their teens and don't care what the law is and go after older men. Some do it knowing the man can go to jail and that gives them a rush of power. I know 2 who targeted wealthy men to get money from them. They said "he could've said no". They have no remorse about what they did. Unfortunately, the law doesn't care what type of girl it is, only that she's underage. Sometimes the DA will show some leniency as in my bf's case, taking it down to corruption of a minor, felony 3 tier 1, instead of statutory rape, felony 1 tier 3. They had all the text messages and voicemails showing she initiated it and it only happened one time. But they don't always. It sucks, life isn't fair. But there are so many of us on here going through the same thing and supporting each other. Messsge me if you need to vent or just want a shoulder to cry on. I understand what you're going through and I'll help you in any way I can

In some ways my situation is the same.
My husband of 20 years was arrested in 2016 of child porn. Not small children 15, 16, 17 year old. He has no interest in a "live" person or so I am told.
While many of these girls chose to have the picture taken or the act recorded and then post it on the internet they are the victims.
In the mean time my life and my children's have been turned upside down.
I realize this was a choice he made and that makes it harder for us.

My counselor told me once that "we are the forgotten victims" and we are.
These men are not thinking of their spouse or children when they do it. At that moment they don't care about the repercussions if they are caught and what it will do to their families.
The girls, they don't give a damn about us. The willing ones have only one goal in mind and will do anything to achieve it. I am not excusing the men in this!
The law they are not concerned with us. They only want to get convictions. to show the world how tough they are on crime and how concerned they are with the victims.

So yes, we are the victims that no one cares about!

Your post made me cry! I am so sorry you are going through this but I thought I was entirely alone. I believe that myself and my children are the only real victims of my husbands 6 month affair with a 17 year old. Yet we are the ones attacked, I have been called all kinds of names from strangers and friends alike. I was attacked on radio stations for being not throwing my husband under the bus. This girl lived with my in-laws for a year, we fed, clothed, got her braces, a job, we helped her get a car, insurance, took her to church every week, took her on family vacations and SHE is the victim!!! She pretended to be like a daughter to me all the time she was screwing my husband AND went after 2 of my sons we later found out! My life has been turned upside down by this sociopath who continues to stalk us after a YEAR.
My husband and I are still together. I am still very angry he did this, but I also lived through this girls manipulation. He realizes he is 100% to blame and has worn out many jeans asking to be forgiven. We now have to live with the fact that he is a level 2 registered sex offender, it is not easy but we are putting our relationship and lives back together. We now focus on us and our children. Nothing else matters Focus on you and everyone deserves a chance if they are really sorry for their actions. Stay strong, God bless.