Sex Offender in My Life Community Group

This is a NONJUDGEMENTAL group for people who have a registered sex offender in their life. Whether you support this person, are angry, hurt, scared or have accepted the situation, we are here for you. This group is for the day to day trials and tribulations of living with a RSO in their family or having one as a friend. FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN FORGETTING!

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EMP88364 02/03/2017

My husband is an RSO and he is also bipolar. He has his own past off being sexually abused and was never treated for it and he ended up sexually abusing his 9 year old cousin. He is now almost finished with his probation.

He was drinking tonight and while he isn't drunk I think he may have had too many nonetheless. He started going on and on about how angry he is with his accusers for lying on him and saying he did more to his cousin than he actually did. He has said this plenty other times too even when he wasn't drinking. Then in a fit of rage (and this was probably the bipolar part taking over) he swiped the TV remote off the table and then went in the room to cry. But he is the one who worked himself up about the whole thing.

Not only did the whole spectacle piss me off, but I feel like he is making himself a victim. Who offends against someone and then when it's over complains that his family was wrong for saying he did more than he did. I could never imagine what it was like to be in the mind of someone who offends against a child (although he was high out his mind when it happened) but I'm sure that if I was in his shoes I would not have a self - righteous view. I would be so repentant and with hard at making my life and mind and words the opposite of what they were so that it never happens again.

Anyone else dealing with a self - righteous offense who chooses to victimize him/herself instead of owning up to what they've done?

Lemonham 02/20/2017

I am currently dealing with a self absorbed SO . My younger brother though he hasn't been convicted yet. He was caught sending a link to cp from the dark web to a fed agent. They found nothing else but that link and chat. But that didn't stop the feds and homeland from ripping apart everyone's lives. He lost his home, his daughter, his job, animals. He's out on probation till trial and currently staying at my house. He is constantly saying that he did nothing wrong (his wife as well) that it was not his fault. This pisses me off so much. Even if he didn't click the link he is the reason everyone's lives are destroyed. His wife lost custody of their daughter because she had a manic episode in front of cps. she supports him. And now she lives in her car during the week in a different state. My niece is with her grandparents who can barely care for her so I'm trying to get him to move out so I can get custody of her. However he and his wife insist he stay here instead of jail. The only thing stopping me from kicking him out and getting her is knowing that she's safe for now and praying her mother gets her life together and can get her back. Also i should mention that there was a chat between the agent and him and some things said make me sick. I do not believe his innocence. I do want to support him because hes my brother and when we were young we were sexual abuse victims. I feel guilty for not protecting him. But I know I need to protect my niece.

Ranger11bv 02/21/2017

SImple: help them!! Stop being pissed off. That only leads to them to get MORE pissed off. Get to truly understand WHY they think they are the victim. Remember, YOU chose to be with this SO. That includes ALL the baggage. You cant have it both ways.....

Ranger11bv 02/21/2017

You know, reading and re-reading both of your posts, sounds like your just ranting and dont like the situation your in. WELCOME to the SEX OFFENDER WORLD!!! People like me have to deal with the like of you all talking behind our backs, passing unconstitutional laws, ect!!! You bring NO help here to this forum that I see. Go some where else where people like you hate SO,s!!! I have been LIVING this nightmare for over 17 YEARS!! And in that time I lost EVERYTHING! you cant comprehend that! Do you have a roof over your head: yes. Do you have income/ job: yes. I cant get those!!! So if you dont support us here 110%, LEAVE!!!!!

EMP88364 04/15/2017

Lemonham, my RSO husband also insisted on his innocence in the beginning. He even made up a whole elaborate story about how the judge wants to make an example out of him because an election was coming up and his accusers (week were family members) just always hated him and wanted him to suffer so they made the whole thing up. But 2 years after being married his story started falling apart. A family member mentioned that he threw up our of grief when he came home that night which is strange for an innocent person. Then I found out that he never went before a judge or jury but took a plea deal, something that statistically the vast majority of guilty people do. But he finally confessed when he ran into the mother of the victim a few years after getting it of prison (one of the family members who were supposedly wicked and hated him for no reason and made everything up) and she went off on him for what he did and he just stood there and took it. If he was the real victim wouldn't that scenario have gone the other day around? That's when he finally told me that he did sexually abuse a family member though he still hasn't told me exactly what happened. That's why he is still pissing me off, because he acts like a victim as if his troubles are the equivalent of a natural disaster like he was just minding his business when along came a tornado and changed his life for the worse. All of the backlash and things we are dealing with are his fault because he chose to commit a criminal act. When I do what's wrong I have no problem owning up to it and saying I was wrong, but even sheet doing time and everything else he has a hard time being accountable. And by the way he was also sexually accused when he was a very young child.

martinkenney 04/19/2017

Ok First off to Ranger11bv, Why don't YOU leave or at least take a few months off....... Now back to the thread...... GIVE HIM TIME!!! Yes, he has bi-polar and was a victim of sexual abuse too, but he is in the denial stage. He is fighting the DEMONS inside him that he KNOWS allowed him to have sexual relations with a minor.

Until he comes to terms of what he did, he is going to be in this rain cloud of guilt. Maybe he will get sentenced (you said he took a plea agreement) and he will have some time to reflect his actions.

I do NOT deny my actions, I know what I did and who I did it to, My demons use to control me but not anymore. I am the MONSTER that people talk about, Who Cares! But I have had over 20 years to face my demons and embrace the monster that I am.

Give it time, You will find out the truth in good time... Tell him when he starts his rant that he is only making himself painful and causing others around him to be in pain too, Say to him... Well get over it! Today is another day, let this go and MOVE ON!

As for you getting pissed off, FINE! Walk out the door, take a drive, go to the store, just get away... when he asks why, then tell him YOUR feelings about it and that your angry and wanted to not argue, fuss or fight over something that ONLY he can fix!

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