Seperation and Divorce Community Group
Anyone who wants to talk about how they are feeling in regards to getting separated and those who are divorced
Hello all,
I am very unhappily married and have been considering a divorce for quite some time now. I am reluctant because unfortunately I have been down this road before and it nearly killed me. My first divorce was so painful and the worst part of it for me was having to share custody of my kids with a man who abused me and them. I share a child with my new husband and this child is my joy, my sunshine and I hate being without him too long. While I know my current husband would never abuse my son, he has driven with him in the car while under the influence and he frequently smokes around him. Also, our son has health issues that I don't feel my husband addresses appropriately. My husband has said that if we get a divorce he's going to want a week on week off schedule. My son has night terrors and doesn't sleep in his own room yet and also has anxiety issues. While I do understand the importance of my husband in my son's life I think a week off week on custody would not be beneficial to him at this point and in fact would actually be harmful. I think he needs the familiarity of the home he's been growing up in. I know all of this would be better for my son if he were older. So I have been waiting and hanging in there. But here are some of the major problems. My husband has not helped me financially for 5 years and not helped with the housework for two years. Also It's almost been two years since we've had sex. Now can you see why I am so unhappy. He also constantly puts me down and my efforts at parenting and doing things for our son. I try to stay brave and positive but it's hard because just when I feel competent or good about myself he does or says something that makes me feel horrible again. I guess what I am trying to say is that if I felt competent and strong and believed that I could get primary custody of my son then I'd file tomorrow. I know that a divorce is going to be a horrible experience for my son because I saw what my other kids went through but is it better to stay in a loveless marriage and model that for him? Do I just do what i can and hang in there until I feel I can fight and win or do I try to hang in there while my husband's gas lighting cuts me down into nothing and leaves me uncapable of caring for my son?
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Don't let him upset you. Speak with an attorney about your rights. Meanwhile, get your finances ready. Make sure you have your own money.
You do not have to live like this. Hang in there, you will be okay. Take actions. It will make you feel a lot better, and more powerful.
I think you could say because of the Coronavirus, that you don't have the money to pay for his things at the moment (and then just don't pay them again).
It sounds like a lot to sort out, but you are thinking, and that is good. Writing things out in a journal helps a lot. Sometimes things will come out in writing that helps a person to solve some of the problems. Or just to get the feelings out of your head and on to paper.
You're going to be okay, no matter what happens. Gotta dig into that inner strength that you do have.
I don't know what country you live in. If you live in the United States there may be resources that can help you. For one thing, you could get Medicaid for your son that would pay for his surgery and a therapist to address his night terrors. You could also probably get help paying for a lawyer. In the meantime, keep accurate records of everything you pay for in your home. This will go a long way in showing that he is an irresponsible parent if he pays nothing at home. Also, document it if he takes your son on a car ride again while he is under the influence of alcohol AND call the police and report him. If they catch him driving like that, he will be charged with child endangerment at the very least. That would ensure you getting full custody. By the way, driving while under the influence IS child abuse.
If he cuts you down now, be prepared for worse when the divorce. Let it go in one ear and out the other. Consider the source: evidently a self-centered person who probably has low self-esteem himself. He cuts you down to make himself feel better about his shortcomings.
Good luck to you and God Bless You.
Dandelion