I do not want to leave my family. I do not live with them but I do live near them like a good 20 miles and it makes me feel safe . Here is the twist though, I can not stay at my families house for too long because they can be hurtful. I mean they are verbally mean to me at times so it isn't healthy but at the same time...they are not as bad as they may seem because they help me with my car and so on. 

If you are wondering why I am saying my parents are mean and yet they are nice? It is because I love my dysfunctional family very strongly. You could say I have a devotional emotional issue with my parents. so like a stolk holm...I love my abusers.....

I love adventures...I love going out to see new places but I also love knowing I can come back to my home and be right where I know is familiar. There is no place where I would rather be.

I am also engaged to a guy, who always was able to break away and live his own life so we are quite the opposite. He has experienced all the freedom in the world by running away and I...I just stayed in one place. He wants me to move with him up to washington after we get married........but I am super super scared.....and my brain...my body doesnt want to go...but I love my fiance. I know he loves washington. I want him to be happy. I just dont know anybody in washington...I have no friends or family in washington....I have nobody there....I dont know if I will be able to get a job. I know I will miss and be scared to be away from my family and the place I call home........

This transition isnt happening now....I'm imagining this happening though with great fear and anxiety....I have tried to explain to my fiance about my feelings about this of how scared I am.....and I dont think he understands...I have so many issues....i dont know what to do...what do you guys think?