Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
After 20 years of no sex, my husband has stated an interest in renewing our sexual relationship. Frankly, I'm borderline terrified.
We are both recovered alcoholics, me for almost 4 years and him for less than 1. We've been together for 22 years and for the last 20 there has been no intercourse. He has/had? erectile dysfunction. Gradually over time almost all touching, kissing, hugging disappeared from our lives. 6 years ago we stopped sharing a bedroom. I have no interest in sharing my sleeping space. As an HSP I need that space. Period.
Now that he is sober he wants to address his ED and has expressed an interest in talking to his doctor about medications that might help him.
I'm feeling scared and I don't want to feel scared. He is not, not has ever been abusive. I think my fear comes from more than one thing. At 65 I am no longer the svelte thing he married, so body image is part of it. I was also terribly hurt by his lack of sexual interest especially when I discovered him viewing internet porn. I don't think there is anything or any words that can make that hurt go away.
On the other hand, I don't want to 'punish' him. I also don't want to pretend feelings I either don't have anymore or have buried so deep I'm not sure I can find them. I used to have a healthy sexuality.
I guess I need therapy but there is no money for that and even if there were, finding a therapist sensitive to HSPs and sexuality issues in my town is highly unlikely.
Any suggestions?
We are both recovered alcoholics, me for almost 4 years and him for less than 1. We've been together for 22 years and for the last 20 there has been no intercourse. He has/had? erectile dysfunction. Gradually over time almost all touching, kissing, hugging disappeared from our lives. 6 years ago we stopped sharing a bedroom. I have no interest in sharing my sleeping space. As an HSP I need that space. Period.
Now that he is sober he wants to address his ED and has expressed an interest in talking to his doctor about medications that might help him.
I'm feeling scared and I don't want to feel scared. He is not, not has ever been abusive. I think my fear comes from more than one thing. At 65 I am no longer the svelte thing he married, so body image is part of it. I was also terribly hurt by his lack of sexual interest especially when I discovered him viewing internet porn. I don't think there is anything or any words that can make that hurt go away.
On the other hand, I don't want to 'punish' him. I also don't want to pretend feelings I either don't have anymore or have buried so deep I'm not sure I can find them. I used to have a healthy sexuality.
I guess I need therapy but there is no money for that and even if there were, finding a therapist sensitive to HSPs and sexuality issues in my town is highly unlikely.
Any suggestions?
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In 2013 I had an accident resulting in spinal injury at the base of my neck with paralysis from there down, spasticity (muscle contractions and spasms) and double incontinence. Both my anus and my urethra have been left closed except with manual intervention. I hardly ever pass urine via the usual route (I have a suprapubic catheter passing directly into my bladder about 2 inches below my...
In addition to that however I would be striating over with someone new and I don't know how good he would be. My husband was a very UNCREATIVE nonromantic wam-bam in the dark and under the covers man. I then had a lover after my divorce who was very thoughtful, romantic we had great sex. So now I am also afraid no one will compare to that.
i think COMMUNICATION is key! My husband and i never takes about anything but paying bills, etc. My post-divorce lover took direction and post-game feedback!
You and your husband have obviously talked about his seeing a doctor. Keep the conversation going. TELL HIM YOUR FEARS!! If he cannot assure you that he loves you...maybe you don't want to give him what he wants! I would suggest couples therapy and or your own therapy.
Good luck!