Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
Hi,
I have been a widow for 18 months, raising two of my grandchildren, ages 8 & 9. I have been seeing a wonderful man whom I care deeply about. My granddaughter caught him kissing me good night and became very upset. My grandchildren do not want me to "date" anyone. They feel they are all I should need, I am being disrespectful to my late husband, the only father figure they have ever know and do not want me to ever marry again. Shortly after my husband had committed suicide, I had told them I wasn't interested in being with another man when they asked. Obviously at that point in my life I wasn't, I was still in shock and grieving for my husband. I am not sure how to handle this. I know I need to be patient with them. They are telling me to "promise" them I won't date, remarry, spend to much time with this wonderful man. They like him but are beginning to resent the time we share together whether it's texting, on the phone, him over here or us on a date. Also, his daughter is my youngest best friend. There is a 7 yr. age difference, I am soon to be 53 and he is 46.
Any advice is appreciated.
I have been a widow for 18 months, raising two of my grandchildren, ages 8 & 9. I have been seeing a wonderful man whom I care deeply about. My granddaughter caught him kissing me good night and became very upset. My grandchildren do not want me to "date" anyone. They feel they are all I should need, I am being disrespectful to my late husband, the only father figure they have ever know and do not want me to ever marry again. Shortly after my husband had committed suicide, I had told them I wasn't interested in being with another man when they asked. Obviously at that point in my life I wasn't, I was still in shock and grieving for my husband. I am not sure how to handle this. I know I need to be patient with them. They are telling me to "promise" them I won't date, remarry, spend to much time with this wonderful man. They like him but are beginning to resent the time we share together whether it's texting, on the phone, him over here or us on a date. Also, his daughter is my youngest best friend. There is a 7 yr. age difference, I am soon to be 53 and he is 46.
Any advice is appreciated.
You deserve to have a second chance at love. You do, however, have a responsibility to do so respectful of the children's feelings. That will require open communication about how and why each child feels opposed to your dating. Little ones may feel that you do not have enough love to go around. Explain that love shared properly is love multiplied and enriched. Young teens may be embarrassed at the idea of grandma dating and possibly being sexual. Be discrete and keep your sex life outside of the family home.
You have said that some of the kids are upset and have verbalized a jealous loyalty in honor of their grandpa. Commend them for their love for him. Then explain that when a couple love each other deeply and one dies that the last thing that either of them would ever have wanted is for the other to live their remaining years lonely and sad. Explain that grandpa would want you to be happy. Explain that you have enough love to give for them, fir grandpa, and for the right man to enter your life.
Now, I do urge you to look inward and take inventory of your true feelings. Make sure of your own motivations. Make sure this man is worthy to be invited into your life and the life of your family. If you believe you have chosen wisely, then hold your head up and slowly but firmly demand your right to throw off those widow' s weeds. Just make sure you allocate some special time periodically for time alone with the children, together and individually. Win them over slowly and slowly incorporate your new man into their lives as well. Good luck.