Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
So, I posted a few days ago and decided that I was going to try and make the best of the good things between us. He's really not that bad, is he? He's a lovely guy really, isn't he? The impotence isn't his fault, is it? It's just as frustrating for him, if not more, than it is for me, isn't it?
So I've stayed at his two nights and I try to enjoy the cuddling and stroking which leads nowhere, I try to put anything else out of my mind. But it's so difficult and as we lay cuddling and holding each other so tightly, the tears start to roll onto the pillow. I'm not even crying, it's just happening. I don't want him to know, if he does know he doesn't say anything. I want him so much. But I'm worn out. I'm tired of always being the one to initiate things.
I make us coffee and we drink it in bed. I go to the bathroom and when I come back he's dressed. I'm doing my hair just wearing my underwear, nice underwear, classy not trashy. Underwear I bought when I first knew him and when I assumed he would like it. Before he said he's more into touching. I don't wear it very often but I'm trying to cheer myself up. Trying to make myself feel ok, and I do look ok, my body is ok, my skin is still good with only a few stretch marks. I'm not overweight or too thin. I'm a bit pear shaped but I have curves and I'm not saggy. But I feel ugly because his body won't respond to me.
I'm doing my hair, he walks behind me. He's close to me. Please do something, I think, anything that shows me that you see me, that I'm not invisible, that I'm not old, that my body doesn't revolt you, that you think I'm alright. He pauses for a minute. Is he looking at me? He briefly touches the edge of the shiny panties, then he turns away and picks up his binoculars. I ask him what he's looking at. There's an interesting bird in the garden, he says. It's on the bird table. The old bird in the bedroom with him isn't quite so interesting.
I put the rest of my clothes on. Would you like croissants for breakfast, I'll go and buy us some, he says. I agree, whatever.
So I've stayed at his two nights and I try to enjoy the cuddling and stroking which leads nowhere, I try to put anything else out of my mind. But it's so difficult and as we lay cuddling and holding each other so tightly, the tears start to roll onto the pillow. I'm not even crying, it's just happening. I don't want him to know, if he does know he doesn't say anything. I want him so much. But I'm worn out. I'm tired of always being the one to initiate things.
I make us coffee and we drink it in bed. I go to the bathroom and when I come back he's dressed. I'm doing my hair just wearing my underwear, nice underwear, classy not trashy. Underwear I bought when I first knew him and when I assumed he would like it. Before he said he's more into touching. I don't wear it very often but I'm trying to cheer myself up. Trying to make myself feel ok, and I do look ok, my body is ok, my skin is still good with only a few stretch marks. I'm not overweight or too thin. I'm a bit pear shaped but I have curves and I'm not saggy. But I feel ugly because his body won't respond to me.
I'm doing my hair, he walks behind me. He's close to me. Please do something, I think, anything that shows me that you see me, that I'm not invisible, that I'm not old, that my body doesn't revolt you, that you think I'm alright. He pauses for a minute. Is he looking at me? He briefly touches the edge of the shiny panties, then he turns away and picks up his binoculars. I ask him what he's looking at. There's an interesting bird in the garden, he says. It's on the bird table. The old bird in the bedroom with him isn't quite so interesting.
I put the rest of my clothes on. Would you like croissants for breakfast, I'll go and buy us some, he says. I agree, whatever.
They have stuff for men and for women, including stuff for every need or desire and more.
Modern technology.
Get some thing for your self and use it in the bed while he does not.
And they have stuff for men to function, but I do not know if they work or not.
Just a suggestion.
He doesn't care in the least about satisfying Last is the actual problem. If he shows little enough enthusiasm, she will hopefully drop the subject is the strategy here I suspect .
I may be arriving at the place where I just don't find this angst and frustration worthwhile and I am sick to death of the emotional cripples I meet and their tedious games. I fully understand why I am the only woman of my acquaintance of single women over 50 in Tucson that continues to "try". I'm burning out on seeming to meet the same guy (in a different body, granted) over and over...
Last, my dear, how perfect would your figure have to be in order for this to NOT be about you? You are vibrant and engaged and those qualities make you attractive while he is an empty vessel utterly, at least on this score You are at no fault here. He is embracing his inner neuter at your expense.
If he is the worst of his kind he will eventually try and make you feel animalistic for desiring him... shame is the only worthy companion of the sexless.
I've got my little selection of toys Booky :) we're waiting for an adjustable cock ring to arrive from an online store, could be very interesting as I've not used one before. I've got visions of the thing flipping across the room as I'm a bit ha fitted sometimes lol.
I feel I've done him a bit of a disservice by making it sound as though he doesn't make any effort to satisfy me, as that's not the case. We bring each other to orgasm by other methods than intercourse and he's pretty much perfected that. He is emotionally detached though. I don't feel attractive now I'm getting older and he doesn't do anything to help me with my issue over that. But why should he I guess?
It bugs the life out of me that this 'should' be enough for me though, when in the past men have given women hell for not 'going the whole way'! I'm kicking against society and doing nothing except bruising myself
lol - autocorrect fail!
He is just getting old, and a young mind in an aging body is the doom that awaits us all.
I have heard of the c-ring and I would expect that to be uncomfortable to him, but I would try it anyway.
It is odd that you are on the flip-side as the wife and not the husband.
Makes me sad that I am stuck as single.
He has said its like nature has turned the tables on us, and is sticking two fingers up to him for how he was when he was young and always wanting sex. Now his abilities are dwindling he's found a keen woman!
Not the stuff from eBay but get the real stuff from a Urologist, and first get a blood test from his regular Doctor to show that his T-level is down which it must be down at his age, because the Urologist will want the blood test first.
The real testosterone injections or pellets will make a difference in any older man.