Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
As well as self-harming, I suffer from depression. Because of this, I often find it hard to even get out of bed some days, and to some people it may just seem like I'm extremely lazy (which isn't the case, I just have absolutely no motivation for anything at times as I just want to curl up and die).
There have been times when I'm so hysterically upset about nothing in particular that I feel too physically and emotionally weak to pick up the blade and start cutting, even though I know thats the only thing that will take away the pain.
Obviously I'd rather NOT cut; the feelings of guilt and disgust afterwards are not something which I can say I enjoy. However, it seems to be the only release I have, and the only thing that can stop me from crying. Therefore, I feel even more of a failure when I'm too depressed to even cut, meaning I'll just let myself cry for hours because I feel like I deserve it and don't deserve to be happy.
I don't know which of these is worse to be honest.
Sometimes I wish I'd never started cutting, but I don't know how to stop, or even if I want to as it's my coping method (as terrible as that sounds).
There have been times when I'm so hysterically upset about nothing in particular that I feel too physically and emotionally weak to pick up the blade and start cutting, even though I know thats the only thing that will take away the pain.
Obviously I'd rather NOT cut; the feelings of guilt and disgust afterwards are not something which I can say I enjoy. However, it seems to be the only release I have, and the only thing that can stop me from crying. Therefore, I feel even more of a failure when I'm too depressed to even cut, meaning I'll just let myself cry for hours because I feel like I deserve it and don't deserve to be happy.
I don't know which of these is worse to be honest.
Sometimes I wish I'd never started cutting, but I don't know how to stop, or even if I want to as it's my coping method (as terrible as that sounds).
But I think we both know that what you (and I) need is plan "C"
@valgal up until today i was taking prozac, but i went to the doctors this afternoon and have been given a different anti-depressant to try which will hopefully be more effective for me and at least reduce the amount i am cutting! the red marker didn't really work for me, but i've been rearranging my room since i got back from the doctors and you're right - it is very distracting and quite therapeutic! thank you for your advise, will take it all into consideration :)
@alice i'm so glad i'm not the only one, i felt very alone! you deserve to be happy too! you're right that a lot of the time the motivation just isn't there, but hopefully things will improve soon!