Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

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Mental Health
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Suicide to ....Homicide???

alimac2009
alimac2009
I used to cut, a lot, like just take a broken piece of mirror and scratch the hell out of my arm when im really mad, and after a while of doing that over and over my arm would look like its been shredded. Ok, if I wasnt upset like that it was like a cigarette, I know I'm going to need it soon so I take it now anyways, When its like that and I sort of have time to spare, I cut as deep as I could. Now, here is what I am wondering, I have been off cutting for a little over a year now, and I have been feeling so incredibly homicidal and violent towards those that piss me off, its like I turned it from getting pissed at others and hurting myself to being pissed at others and hurting others....I dont know if I should have even said anything, I would never kill someone, but I feel like it. I just wanted to know if there is anyone else who feels the same way...?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i know what its like to take abuse from others but hurt myself. And yea i can be very violent and hurt people when im in a rage. I get scared when i have angry thoughts..... may seem weird but when ur thinking and picturing putting someone's head through a window yea it is a bit scary. i dont know if this helps o just confuses you, im sorry if it does confuse u.
alimac2009
alimac2009
Im not abused by anyone...accept verbally, but I used to cut my self sometimes just because I knew I would have to sometime that day...or just because I was bored and had nothing else to do, or because I was having a bad day, just anything would make me want to cut, and now that I stopped I have no where to put that damaging energy accept in visions of sick ways to kill people, but I dont think I would ever kill someone, Im just worried that it is missplaced something, and if I am alone in this if they should lock me up before I hurt someone....
deleted_user
deleted_user
well ur mind can be a scary place, and so can your thoughts......... try and reassure urself that u wouldn't cause harm to someone, like u said about the damaging energy, i think im right when i say that the cutting released tht and because u are not doing that anymore all that energy gets locked inside. You could try other ways of releasing it ways which do not hurt others or yourself.

these may seem stupid but its just some stuff that i have been told, ways of releasing stuff which gets built up.

*writing the thoughts down then screwing them up n binning them
*screaming into a cushion
*talking to someone u trust about it
*doing something active (running ect)
alimac2009
alimac2009
Yes, I have a councilor but the counciling place is joined with the mental hospital and im kinda scared I might not be allowed to go back home, if u get me. I have OCD, but I didnt know that it could have anything to do with this...? I already write n stuff, and as for screaming in the pillow, I tend to need more of the slashing stuff, like i used to do to my arm, i tried the pillow thing and ended up trying to tear my pillow apart.....I think I should tell my councilor so she can put me away and no one will ever get hurt. But then that would leave my gf, what would I do about her? I;ll figure it out, thank you so much for your input, i really appreciate it....
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's kind of ironic that I happened to see this post tonight. I was at work tonight and found myself thinking violent thoughts about some people I don't really like ^^" I've found that I've been having this problem more now that I've stopped cutting.
I guess I just wanted to say that you aren't alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Of course you're not alone alimac!
I often have *very* violent dreams and thoughts about peopl, and not just people that I hate, the ones I love dearly too.
Any psychologist will tell you thinking these things does NOT make you a homicidal maniac.
It is no different from a mother suffering with Postnatal depression, having visions and violent thoughts towards her baby.
The mind is a powerful and complex thing, but as long as you are in control - which you must be as you have said you would never act on these feelings- then you have nothing to worry about.

Try talking it over with your therapist, and I don't know how helpful it would be, but one of the things I do is paint - they often look like a murder scene or lots of slashing blood red markings but it helps get it out in a non-hurtful way.....?
deleted_user
deleted_user
YOU NEED HELP...ITS NOT NOT NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE HURTING SOMEONE...STRANGE...MAN THIS GROUP I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD BE ALL THESE PPL...TELLING OTHERS TO HELP THEM STOP..HOW THE HELL CAN WE WE ARE COMMUNICATING ON A DAMN COMPUTER..JEEZ...ATTENTIONS SEEKERS OR WHAT..GO GET HELP..THATS ALL I CAN SAY...MY GOD.