First it is not your fault. You have epilepsy and you can't do anything about that. But your doctors should help you in trying to figure out what you can do to make life better. If it is any ones fault I would start with blaming them for not directing you to the right places for the help that you may need. Second who care that you didn't get straight A's. There are people out there you have wonderful college degrees but because their field doesn't really have that many openings they are stuck flipping burgers while they try find a better job that match their skills. I hope you see that life is not hopeless you just need to find the right people to guide you down the path you need to go.

You have other options. I know I'm a hypocrite because right now I feel like I want to kill myself. But the other part of me keeps telling myself that suicide isn't an option and I have to find a better way. If you tell yourself that suicide isn't an option at all, then maybe you will be able to think of other things to do instead of just killing yourself. It will force you to think of other things if suicide isn't even a choice anymore.

I think youre both right. And i dont think youre a hypocrite lovealice, if you can see a way forward instead of suicide thats the way to go. So thanks for sharing i really appriciate it.
Ive been holding this back for ages, and i really needed some help with it.

That is what we are here for to help each other out when the other needs it.

We're here for you

Its not the only option, its the option that seems the easiest. Plus Epilepsy isn;t your fault, sometimes when I'm down the first thing I think of is suicide cause I'm not thinking clearly, I went to an occupational therapist for OCD and she helped change my ideas on things, have you seen a counsellor, it may help put things into prespective for you, luckily I don't really feel suicidal much anymore cause I never gave up hope of things getting better.

OK you have a job that you dont like, then find another that you would enjoy.. Just bc your mom does not know people does not mean you cant try and get a job that you will enjoy.
Having epilepsy must be hard on you. And I am sorry that you have the struggles you do. But maybe talking with your doctor on what you can do regarding work might be an option.. I am not sure about where you live, but if your medical condition is effecting your life enough they can help you go on social assistance.. and maybe that is what you need right now, to get your life on track and focus on your illnesses and not stress over what you cant control. I never got straight A's in school in fact A's didnt come easy for me, I did get some but I was lucky to pass in a lot of stuff... I have no job as I am unable to work due to my PTSD at this time so I am focusing on me and later when I am better mentally I am going to go back into work. Sometimes it helps to just help you in the best way possible.
Blaming yourself for things you cant control will get you know where. You need to let it go and move forward and help yourself. People will knock you down, yes its sad really, but there are people that can help support you on your way back up. Life is not easy, but it is worth it. Move forward dont drag yourself down, you cant change or fix the past all you can do is move forward and learn from the past. Thats it, you cant make up for it unless you learn and move forward. Suicide is not the only option, you have so much that you can do to turn your life around. You are able, and from what you have written it does not sound like there is no hope of a better life. Just you thinking there is nothing better but there are other things you can do to change what is going on. You just need to breath and look for the options that can help you. And suicide is not it.