Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I've been struggling. I've been really sick and just got two diagnoses - my sacroiliac joints are fusing and I have lupus. That's both scary and really painful. And I've been having "restless body syndrome". I don't know what it really is, but everything feels twitchy and awful. The pain and fear and restlessness make cutting seem like a great distraction. If I can cause my own specific pain, I can temporarily forget the other pain and discomfort.
I've been holding off, but then last night, my husband, who has bipolar, had kind of a mixed state episode. He struggles with epiphenomenalism, which means that he sometimes thinks absolutely nothing is real except for God, whom we believe we cannot ever fully know. We got into a debate because he was apologizing because he can't really love me because he doesn't know what true love really is even though he loves me to the best of his ability. Isn't that true of us all? But he hates himself because he sees no reason why he can't choose to be perfect. And he is brilliant, which makes arguing with him on these deep matters practically impossible.
I was hurting in my body and my heart. I was scared for my health and my husband's emotional and mental state. So when I excused myself to the restroom, I picked up the sharpest item available, toenail clippers, and cut my legs four times. It did what I wanted it to do. It distracted from all that was going on physically and emotionally. It gave me a momentary calm and sense of control and rebellion.
I didn't tell my husband that I'd cut. I plan to hide this from him for the first time since we've known each other. I don't want him to blame himself and not talk to me when he is struggling. But I also don't want to keep secrets from him. He seems better today. Why would I risk that? I don't know whether to tell him or not.
And I'm still hurting...
I've been holding off, but then last night, my husband, who has bipolar, had kind of a mixed state episode. He struggles with epiphenomenalism, which means that he sometimes thinks absolutely nothing is real except for God, whom we believe we cannot ever fully know. We got into a debate because he was apologizing because he can't really love me because he doesn't know what true love really is even though he loves me to the best of his ability. Isn't that true of us all? But he hates himself because he sees no reason why he can't choose to be perfect. And he is brilliant, which makes arguing with him on these deep matters practically impossible.
I was hurting in my body and my heart. I was scared for my health and my husband's emotional and mental state. So when I excused myself to the restroom, I picked up the sharpest item available, toenail clippers, and cut my legs four times. It did what I wanted it to do. It distracted from all that was going on physically and emotionally. It gave me a momentary calm and sense of control and rebellion.
I didn't tell my husband that I'd cut. I plan to hide this from him for the first time since we've known each other. I don't want him to blame himself and not talk to me when he is struggling. But I also don't want to keep secrets from him. He seems better today. Why would I risk that? I don't know whether to tell him or not.
And I'm still hurting...
I have never heard of epiphenomenalism, but that sounds like it would be hard to handle someone like that at times. Does he see any type of therapist for that that could help him? Although he might just get into arguments with them as he does with you. But idk.
Idk if you should tell him that you cut or not. You don't have to, but it also seems like it would be hard for you not to tell him. Just so you know, you don't have to feel guilty if you don't tell him. Do whatever you think would be best for you!