I'm here for you :) No one is ever a mistake, make your future and define yourself. Please don't hare yourself, you're perfect the way you are, with all your imperfections and everything you are. You are unique and you are beautiful. To stay busy you can watch t.v, you can read, write, if you have a pet you spend time with them, go for a walk, hang out with someone, or text someone. You're never alone in this, message me anytime you want :)

None of those are really being helpful, I actually think of doing something and then I just stare numbly at those things.

i feel dead inside and wish i was dead

You are not a mistake. Everyone is alive for a reason, and you are here and breathing. You may not realize it but you bring a lot to the world just by existing in it, your smile may brighten someone's day, your words may inspire others, and your presence brings joy to a lot of people.

Believe me I know how hard it can be to believe that you are loved and valued while in the throes of self hatred, but you matter so much. All of us here on this site support and love you. We are all here.

I don't believe that I am something worthwhile at all

You are!

Just please remember that you are a human being. Remember that, and that should remind you that we are all equal, we are equally capable of doing great things, all equally capable of making mistakes and fixing them. I know you are a great person, and I'd show you all the care in the world if I could. And yes you'd deserve it. I'm very glad you're still breathing. You said you stare numbly at things when you think if doing them, try to keel your focus on what your doings if you feel yourself staring numbly then take your focus back on what you were doing. Sometimes being numb is our mind's way of protecting us from sadness, but to me being numb was always worse then feeling sad. So remember it's ok to cry, it's ok to scream. Let it out, you're not alone. Let me help you (hug)

I actually feel more like this monster, bad things won't stop happening and I'm just sick and tired of them and just wanting to hit the heck out of this stupid self and just take it out on myself. It is sadder, it's actually frustrating to just be looking numbly at things and feeling dead inside, while being sad it'll go away easier with something you might like to do. I just want to give up and bleed out to death

But you're not stupid. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and see a monster looking back at you, and there seems to be nothing you can do about it but hope to die, or make it happen. It wasn't easy for me, and it might not be easy for you. But trust me, you deserve more. There always seems to be bad things happening, a lot of the time we feel that way because our minds are accustomed to think of the bad that hurts us, so we see the bad in everything. But don't give up, because I know how strong you are. Sure I just barely know you but I honestly believe we all have the strength to do get passed a bad time. Don't give up yet. The next time you stare numbly at something, try to see what your staring at in someone else's eyes. Look at it how they would look at, and then after you try that for a while, you'll start wondering why you're not able to see what they see. And I'm telling you now that you can see what they see, they see with the same human eyes as you. So keep going Kuvira :)

Things just keep happening... it just wont stop, as i try to be at least content or hopeful, someone tells something and takes it away... i am just giving up because when i do feel a bit better someone just comes to mess it up