I'm scared, scared that one day I won't stop myself. My life is a cruel punishment for what I don't recall. Love and dreams come just a heartbeat away or sometimes close enough to touch. Then in a moment so fleeting gets ripped away when there is nothing I can to to stop it. Gone, lost, taken. What did I do so bad to have so much shown to me but taken. All I ever wanted was a normal life, but that was stolen. Like thieves people took things from me and left me rotten at the core. I just want to feel loved, be needed, be treasured. I want to be someone's reason to wake up, want someone to hold me so tight cause they don't want to let me go. Instead I'm disposable, always have been, take what they want and go leaving me in a deep dark hole. I'm not going back in that hole, I can't face it again. I fanaticise about what I'll do instead, the problem being over all these years that is more tangible, more pulling, more tempting.