Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
When I first started self harming, about 13 years ago, I would use sewing needles or tacks to scratch myself. I would even carve stuff into my arms. It was always about the pain since I don't think I ever bled. I started to use a razor a few years ago and was almost surprised to see how much damage I could do to myself. It is still about the pain, not the blood, and I know for many self harmers it is the opposite. Well, over the past few weeks I have regressed to my old ways. It hurts more to scratch myself then to use a razor. A razor cuts easily. A tack has to be pressed down hard and still doesnt cause blood. I guess I can push as hard as I want and make it hurt as much as I want compared to a razor. With a razor I am always concerened I will cut too deep one day. The last time I cut (scratched) I was super upset. I cut a lot more than usual. All over my hip, my leg and a little on my wrist. Its just easier to cut more this way and I'm nervous this is going to lead me to cut more often. If I don't use a razor I don't feel scared. I mean it still leaves big marks. It hurts for days afterwards, but theres just less worry. I'm worried that Ive regressed to my old ways and I wont be able to control it. I don't know what to do.
Are you saying that you are using a razor to achieve your pain threshold even though its more difficult to achieve that threshold with the razor? But the razor does an extreme amount of damage more easily than tacs or needles, with which you began scratching?
Well, if I'm understanding correctly, without making myself sound confused, then you most certainly have a serious dilemma. No joke.
I don't know how to advise you but I'm really worried. Have you tried going back to using needles or tacks? That may be a silly question but I'm thinking about how important it will be for you to find a way to reach your threshold without such risks being involved.
When razors aren't causing enough pain I use a pedicure set I got as a gift one year for Xmas. The tools are sharp and cause good amounts of pain and a balance of blood (which Im into). It can take a while but I'm not as afraid ill slip up because I have to work harder and pace myself more. Saying all this to say...they are kind of in the middle and maybe it would be good for you to find something kind of similar in effect for yourself.
Take it easy and pace yourself. Ill be thinking about you.
I first used needles/tacs then went to razors, and am now back to needlse and tacs. Though I did cut with a razor and tacs last week :/ Wha I was saying is that since I do "less damage" with "scrathcing" then a razor Im afraid I will do it more.
Kaitxtiak,
I know I should stop, but i have a hard time cooping with my emotions. i was clean for a while and relapsed about 2 months ago and cut almost every week now. ive got a lot going on in my life. im working on getting help o fixing things so i hope that will help.