I lost my first discusion on this topic some where in the system. Some times I really hate computors! My dicussion was about wanting to be hurt by someone or self like I was when I was 9 years old. my older sisters friends used to make me do things to them. As much as I felt like a prisoner I also felt useful and loved.So I guess that is what one of my personalities is feeling today. Needing to be loved. So she fantasises about her past abuse and being with women. I drink to escape the desire, but it's only getting worse. I so want to cut and bleed it out. I am so sorry if this is triggering anyone. I just need some help to get through this moment.I do not believe I am gay. It's just been along time since I've had sex. Fear has kept me 15 years abstinent. Trying to learn how to recieve effection in other ways is also very new to me and I'm afraid if I stay alone much longer I might end my life to be rid of this never ending desire to be truely loved.
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