Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

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Losing control

NightSkye7
NightSkye7
It has been 6 years sense I cut. It has been a long, hard road. I only made it because of my ex-boyfriend. He helped me through everything, never let me. Now we have broken up. We are still best friends, but now he is in another state. I know being friends makes things hard... but losing him completely would kill me. I have been trying to deal. He broke up with me in January. Left to live in a far away state in February. Asked me back out on my birthday in August. I went out to see him the first few weeks of September. He broke up with me again the last day I was there.

I have been trying to deal with everything. Trying to be his friend. We still love each other. He says his biggest problem is he just can't do a long distance relationship. He says we are still best friends.

Everything is finally really starting to hit me. The support and love I had for years is gone. That support person is the one making me cry, making me want to cut so so bad. 6 years is a long time... and I truly thing I am going to end up breaking it. A razor hasn't looked so good in years.

I haven't cut yet. I feel like he is breaking his promises about our friendship. Promises he made after the breakup. I feel like he dropping me from his life completely. I could deal with friends because he was still there. I dont think he is anymore, or hes starting to not be. Broken promises, hesitence that was not there before. He says he still loves me, yet breaks every promise that might show that. I just can't get through these feelings. He was the reason I got through this long without cutting.. with him leaving me I almost did... and now with me feeling like I might lose him completely a razor is all I can think about. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can get through the urges this time.
valgal18
valgal18
i'm sorry that you're struggling....congrats on being six years cut-free!!!!!!!!!!! that's GREAT!!!!!!!! i know that it's hard and that you want to cut, but you've fought the urge before, keep fighting!!!!!! it seems like a good idea, but six years in a long time and if you cut you'll have to start all over.....try punching a pillow or scream in your car or do something else to let out your emotions.....i know it's painful that he's breaking his promises, but show him that you can still do this....that you can still beat this....prove it to yourself that you can fight the urge....i hope this helped...if you ever wanna talk, please feel free to message me
PaganSpirit
PaganSpirit
Six years is great! Truly something to be proud of. A breakup, him moving away, broken promises..thats got to be hard to deal with. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. It sounds like he helped you a lot in the past to stay cut free and thats great but now I think you need to try and seek out other people for support, friends, family, a therapist or talk to us here on DS. Theres also several things you can do when the urges get really strong, work out, write, put your hands into ice water,etc. Im sure you already know this. I wish you well and send me a message if you like.
NightSkye7
NightSkye7
Thank you both for your support. That is the main thing I have lost with him leaving, and is the main thing I have needed to not SI. You both reminded me of some things that used to work just enough to at least be able to reach a friend that would come over and watch me while helping. I have been letting out the emotions by crying... but every time I cry it just makes me want to cut. I know I need to let myself deal with these feelings to get back on track, but every time I try the urges get worse. I also used to have my dog which I no longer have (rest in peace Buddy), and friends that knew about it and truly understood and now those friends are gone. I have had a great support system, but with him leaving that support system is basically gone. I have medications for issues I have, and I had to take 10mg of valium last night just so I would fall asleep and not cut. It's like the razor is calling to me.

I am trying to write but end up crying and crying creates urges. Excercise is a good idea, thanks for that one. I have also been taking really hot showers (not to the point that would injure, just to the point that it feels too hot and the skin gets a little red, not actually hurting myself), and holding ice where I want to cut (but that kinda backfires on me, I am allergic to the cold so I get an itchy rash for a few hours, but when it works it works.

I thank you again for your support. I hope you are both right and that I can get through this.