ahhhhhhhhhh its been a few months since i cut and i have a new job as a nurse aide and im in a serious relationship with a man i adore and overall life is pretty damn good. so i dont understand why i cut in my dreams and think about it almost everyday. I smile and pretend everything is completely normal but I want to feel the razor on my skin so bad. I feel so crazy so i cant tell any1 here and i cant do it because i promised my boyfriend Id stop because i know it hurts him when i do it and well my job doesnt really allow it seeing that im working with elderly ppl who would get confused by my actions and i have to wear scrubs which tend to be short sleeves....idk what to do. i overcame my past i forgave the guys that raped me and told my story and made the flashbacks stop and i can be in the same room as my attacker and not have a panic attack or even care that he is there so why cant i give up the cutting and not think about it. its so frustrating. ill be shopping and realize im walking toward the aisle the blades are in when its not where i need to be at all. im so aggrivated with myself for being this weak