Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

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peixi 02/21/2009

i cut myself (duh) because it makes me feel in control of my pain and at the same time it makes me feel something, and i tried the rubber band, the ice, scratching but i discovered that i need to see some trace of what i've done, which brings me both shame and pride, the scary part is my doc does not tell me what to do to prevent it, i dont know what to do, i carry a cutter in my bag everywhere "just in case", i need to replace it with something, and you know what, my friend, my best friend knows that i'm depressed, the other day she saw a mark and you know what she said, i think u're selfish and since she hasn't done anything to help me except pretend, and i want to be there for her but i want to die here, she knows that and does nothing!!!!
and i exercise, i eat right (or most of the time) sometimes i'm bulimic i use that as a punishment, i don't know, sometimes i feel so numb, i feel so alone

deleted_user 02/21/2009

Please recognize that you are in the midst of severe major depressive episode. Your friend is probably completely overwhelmed and out of her league in dealing with the feelings that have overcome you. I hope that you get help asap from professionals. If you already have a tdoc and pdoc, please call them today and let them know what you are doing. I say this as someone who has been there. I was carrying a razor blade to work and cutting multiple times per day. I didn't get better until I opened up to someone about it (I called a crisis line, and eventually I was hospitalized). It sounds to me as though you need serious help immediately. If you have no idea who to call, please reply and I'll post a number for you.

peixi 02/21/2009

i'm afraid she'll see me as crazy, whenever she caught me just sitting without doing nothing she just looks at me as if i'm crazy, so i dont know

deleted_user 02/21/2009

I know how you feel, my doctor took one look at my scars (I had one infected that I needed to check out), gave me some ointment perscription, and told me that he was done and I could leave.
(a nicer way of saying "get out")

And I feel like I have to carry around a.. uh... 'tool' with me where ever I go. If I don't I get nervous and panicky, and can only concentrate on "what ifs"
What if something bad happens?
What if I can't handle myself anymore?
And it leads to getting more and more desperate as the time goes on.

Just know that so many people support you, and want you to get better.
Anyone in this site would want you to feel good, and don't feel the need to punish yourself (wow, hypocritical much? ah well, I really do mean it.)
If you ever need someone to chat to, just send me a message.

peixi 02/21/2009

i just cut myself again, i wish i had a cigarette around but my doc gave me something for that yay, anyway thank u so much for replying, thank u for reading, just thank u, it means the world to me right now, i tried to leave the house without "my cutter" but i started panicking and i had to get back to get it, i guess is one of those one day at a time things uh?

bunnieluver18 02/21/2009

Everything is one step at a time. Sometimes to go forward, we end up taking two steps back. It took me 11 days in the hospital along with another incident that led to 9 stitches that convinced me that I cannot live like this. I have to put the blade down and leave it there. I just hope that you reach that conclusion before going through the hell that I have gone through. ~Tracie xoxoxo

deleted_user 02/22/2009

Hey,
It sounds like you are surrounded by some very invalidating people. Of course they don't try to be, but it still makes us feel shitty that we're not understood or cared about. I think that by what you said that you are caught in this huge wave of depression, but you can never let go of the hope that it WILL GET BETTER :) i know it seems impossible but i'm proof that it does i haven't cut in 6 months now. a validating environment makes a huge difference, and if she is your best friend then she does care. It is completely frustrating when a friend doesnt' show it though. stay strong hun :)

deleted_user 02/22/2009

i used to have these moments, mostly around family where i'd think: "Ok if i can just get through the next 20 minutes, i can get home and cut" the idea of not having a 'way out' at all times terrified me, so not only did i carry a razor, i carried pills as well. but i've been in i think 11 hospitals, some of them more than once, and i don't need to do that anymore. 1800 suicide and poison control (18002212222 i think) are very good. i don't know how old you are, but there are places called residentials where its like a hospital but you can leave grounds, go to school, get a job, plus of course therapy. they have them for under 18 as well as adults. its not as confining as a hospital, though hospitals aren't so bad either.
and i'm proof too:
my 2 years is tomorrow.
good luck.
if you want, message me and i'll give you my AIM sn.

peixi 02/22/2009

thanks thinkhappythoughts, the thing is i'm not from US and where i am there are not places like that here, anyway i only have 5 more month here and then i go back home, hopefully to get a more appropriate counseling, but i keep saying finding u guys has been a blessing for me, today i cut myself several times but being here, right now with u is good for my lonely soul. thanks!!!!

deleted_user 02/22/2009

hey it's okay if you need to carry around something that you can cut with. just because it's right there doesn't mean you have to use it. i've carried a blade with me "just in case" and it makes me feel better, i quit cutting 25 days ago and i still keep the blade with me but i haven't used it.

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