Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
A girl I know recently tried to off herself (I'm sorry; that sounds like a harsh way to put it, I know. I can't bring myself to say it any other way, though). I feel so, so guilty. Every day I'd see her, and every day I'd think, "I really like her hair." And every day, I'd think, "I'll be sure to tell her tomorrow." And now she's fallen over the edge. I can't help thinking that if I had just complimented her hair without worrying about being late for class or whatever my excuse was for not talking to her, it could have saved her.
I know that logically it wasn't my fault at all. But I know whenever I used to teeter on the edge of suicide, compliments from strangers (or people I saw but didn't really talk to, as was the case with this girl) saved me from falling over on more than one occasion. It always made me feel just a little bit better about my life when strangers complimented me, because they had no reason to try to keep me happy. They knew nothing of me, so it always seemed true when they'd compliment me. When friends would compliment me, it felt forced because I was sure they saw I wasn't happy and were falsely complimenting me just to keep me safe. But when strangers complimented me, it was never forced. You know what I'm getting at? That explanation was a lot more concise in my head.
Blah. I don't know. I'm feeling so bad about all of this. I feel I could have saved her, at least temporarily, and I didn't. I was so absorbed with myself that I didn't do anything to save her. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it, but...I don't know. I'm so upset.
I know that logically it wasn't my fault at all. But I know whenever I used to teeter on the edge of suicide, compliments from strangers (or people I saw but didn't really talk to, as was the case with this girl) saved me from falling over on more than one occasion. It always made me feel just a little bit better about my life when strangers complimented me, because they had no reason to try to keep me happy. They knew nothing of me, so it always seemed true when they'd compliment me. When friends would compliment me, it felt forced because I was sure they saw I wasn't happy and were falsely complimenting me just to keep me safe. But when strangers complimented me, it was never forced. You know what I'm getting at? That explanation was a lot more concise in my head.
Blah. I don't know. I'm feeling so bad about all of this. I feel I could have saved her, at least temporarily, and I didn't. I was so absorbed with myself that I didn't do anything to save her. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it, but...I don't know. I'm so upset.
I think when a person gets to the point of trying suicide, there's nothing in the world that'd make the difference. Luckily, it sounds like she lived. You only said tried. And well, if she 'fell over the edge,' maybe she'll finally be able to start getting back up.
You know, guilt is a rough thing to work around, it weighs you down a little can convince you to feel much different. But take this as a learning experience. Don't go forcing the compliments, but take the time to speak your mind from now on.
Maybe make her a sweet card or even go visit her?
Feel better, dear, the fact that you wrote this shows you've got a genuine care and a good heart.