There are times where I find it difficult to pinpoint exactly what is bothering me as well. Sometimes it's just the depression that takes control, and even if I've had a decent day, I come home feeling like crap. I know you've said you've tried distracting yourself, can you try looking at the positive things in your life? I know it sounds silly, but sometimes just recalling the good things, whether they be people or memories or whatever, well it can lift your mood a bit. Also, in the past when I was able to go for runs, I found that afterwards I felt a lot better as well. I got out how I was feeling through sweat and sore limbs, and after a shower I just felt lighter.

Good luck to you, dear.

thanks MariaAna. think i'll go for a walk later and see if that helps.

well you spent two months not cutting! I have a journal entry(about anger) where i talked about...how after i managed to finally stop practicing all my addictions and my life got so much better...I just got mad again and i didnt know why.

Maybe you are uncomfortable because nothing is wrong? perhaps you have become so used to distress and drama that resting and being peaceful and comfortable are all completely foreign to you?

Since I started out with my addictions when I was four...being comfortable made me feel like i stepped off a curb(unexpectly). That horrible feeling of falling...and not knowing when it will stop...thats what i was feeling because my life was good, and i had never been good before.

Whatever the problem is, self injury is just adding another one to it, it doesnt resolve anything, it is just a manipulation of how we feel...a way of expressing pain and feeling some relief when we are overwhelmed. Try making a list of things you can do that are not self injury. Wash your hair. Go to the store. read things people have said on ds. Read a book. WAtch tv. Kick a can. Kick a stuffed toy dog! get a plastic bad and use it to destroy a brick wall. when you ruin the bat get another one. keep getting bats till you kill that wall! You can always come here and tell us how you feel. WE care.

thank you for your thoughtful reply joey. i like ur idea about a bat and a brick wall. don't know if i have the energy for it. right now i'm cooking and cleaning and chewing a lot of gum.

You can put yourself in a calm, quiet, relaxing place and try to go over your day of the cutting in your mind, and a couple days before....focus on anything stressful, painful, scary....see if any certain event stands out.

sometimes you may not have a specific reason, sometimes it's just the leftovers from all the "crap" that we carry around in our heads. And with self injury sometimes it's just the psychological pull reasserting itself....cutting is like a drug, your brain can go without it for a little while, but then it's going to want it back...you have to push through that in to freedom.

If you can't figure out what bothered you, don't over obsess about it, that will cause you more stress and irritability and you'll want to cut more.

take care,

Kat

thanks kat. i'll try that.