Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
Feeling low and like things that are happening at the moment are all my fault and i just cant shake the feeling of wanting to hurt myself over the last few days.
I have come a long way in the past 2 years but things are just starting to creep back up on me and im afraid that i will do something stupid but i don't want to disappoint myself or my lovely boyfriend or son. I feel things are great between my boyfriend and me and he accepts that i have harmed myself in the past and whilst we were together at the beginning but i feel like i would be taking a massive step back to the way things were back then and worried what my boyfriend would be like if i did do it. I am so scared of what the outcome may be. I have told my partner recently that i feel like the feelings are building again but its so hard to try not to think that you are going to do it, he seemed fine but i dont want to risk it - though its easier said than done.
I have noticed the signs for a while now of wanting to harm myself but things that have happened in the past week feel as though they are just sealing the deal for me and it really upsets me to even think of going back there. Its like a dark cloud constantly hanging over me. I just dont want to do anything or go anywhere unless its to do with seeing my boyfriend, who i love so much. I even find it hard sometimes to do things with my lovely 11 year old son as i dont want him to see me like i am, i love him to bitss and i dont want to take things out on him or be snappy with him when he hasnt done anything wrong, it isnt his fault im the way i am, its mine as i cant cope with things that are going on. i just feel like a failure and want to bury myself away and hide but instead i have to put a brave face on and try and hide how im feeling though im sure that people are starting to see the cracks appear :(
I have come a long way in the past 2 years but things are just starting to creep back up on me and im afraid that i will do something stupid but i don't want to disappoint myself or my lovely boyfriend or son. I feel things are great between my boyfriend and me and he accepts that i have harmed myself in the past and whilst we were together at the beginning but i feel like i would be taking a massive step back to the way things were back then and worried what my boyfriend would be like if i did do it. I am so scared of what the outcome may be. I have told my partner recently that i feel like the feelings are building again but its so hard to try not to think that you are going to do it, he seemed fine but i dont want to risk it - though its easier said than done.
I have noticed the signs for a while now of wanting to harm myself but things that have happened in the past week feel as though they are just sealing the deal for me and it really upsets me to even think of going back there. Its like a dark cloud constantly hanging over me. I just dont want to do anything or go anywhere unless its to do with seeing my boyfriend, who i love so much. I even find it hard sometimes to do things with my lovely 11 year old son as i dont want him to see me like i am, i love him to bitss and i dont want to take things out on him or be snappy with him when he hasnt done anything wrong, it isnt his fault im the way i am, its mine as i cant cope with things that are going on. i just feel like a failure and want to bury myself away and hide but instead i have to put a brave face on and try and hide how im feeling though im sure that people are starting to see the cracks appear :(
I'm sorry you have all of that tension building up. It sucks when your feelings start to overwhelm you because then it's all you can think about. Can you maybe talk to your boyfriend about the stuff that is making you feel like that so you can let it out that way? Or you could try writing it down, sometimes that can help.
I don't know what it is that you're struggling with, but I find that when the urges to cut show up, it often helps to remind myself of the reasons I stopped in the first place. The fact that you've reached out here itself means that you're a strong person. Beating the urges is difficult, I know that. But it isn't impossible. Remember one thing, if I might suggest, which is to remember that you are in no way a failure. You're a strong, brave person and you deserve happiness.
That could have been me writing that I can relate to every bit
I have been clean for nearly 3 years and the feelings crept back I had 1 slip
But I don't want to disappoint my wife or our kids
I don't want to take it out on them either Coz it not their fault
Keep strong we r all here with u
U r not alone in this
I have taken all of youre advice onboard and i also spoke with my boyfriend last night and he was great and he said to me that if i do harm myself again that it basically isnt a big deal but he will still be there for me :-) I still feel like the things going on around are my fault but things feel a litte easier to manage since yesterday since i posted on here, recieved your replies and spoke to my boyfriend. Being 16months free of harm is a huge achievement and i hope that i have the strength to carry on. A big thankyou to you LoveAlice, DreamWeaver and petefin for your kind words. As a group on here, im sure we can all help eachother to beat these feelings or at least for a little while :-)
Please note that I say these things under the assumption you are not physically harming your child. I don't believe that's what you are doing but if the thoughts go there please get help immediately. That would NOT make you a bad mom if you got help before letting the thoughts take over.
My son is brilliant when i am down. He always gives me hugs and tells me he loves me and also knows the signs as to when to leave me be and get on with his own things. He has seen my scars but has never really asked direct about them but overall he is a great kid and i love him to bit and could never hurt him in anyway :) he means too much to me to do anything like that. Sometimes it is hard to cope with things and especially when his A..D.H.D is getting the better of him but as i said, he is a great kid.