Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I haven't been on for a while. Partly because I have been busy, but also because I thought I was doing ok. I hadn't cut or burned or cut myself for almost a year now. Hadn't being the operative word.
Recently I have been feeling really bad. I live in an apartment with a friend and her teen. I have no job, but live on what school money I get. My friend fell on some hard times and needed help so I gave her all of my money to help with the condition that she would pay my phone bill. I no longer have a phone as my bill is overdue. I clean the house, do the dishes, make sure cloths are washed and so on. Her 18 year old son isn't helping like he is supposed to. Well he did do the dishes today, but only after I asked him to for the 100th time. Sunday she had come home, most of the time she is at her boyfriends, and complained about a very clean house. I was hurt. I don't have a phone because of her and she has the nerve to complain about a cleaned house. I am overwhelmed and for the past month I have wanted nothing more then to cut or burn myself. I fought the urge quit well... until today. Yesterday I had a friend over and so did the 18 year old. We all played a game of magic and messed up the living room. I had left to spend time with my sister today and asked him to pick up his stuff and do the dishes today. My phone was also supposed to be turned back on today as she said she paid the bill. My phone was not turned on and when I came home dishes were not done and living room was still full of his things. As I was typing this he finally did the dishes. But this was my last straw, I could no longer hold my self back. I grabbed a lighter heated the small screw driver up and placed it on my wrist's flesh. The pain was like and old friend coming back to comfort me from all of my troubles. I had finally gotten some control back in my life. Even though I feel much better and calmer I know I don't want to continue this. I had almost made it a year with out harming myself. A year... what a mild stone that would have been. But today I failed at that year. And I will probably fail again tomorrow and the next day until I can get a grip once again.
You see what some people seem to fail at understanding with our harming ourselves is the fact that this is an addiction just like doing drugs or drinking. We who harm ourselves understand this, but those who find us doing it don't. They seem to think it is something that we can just stop at a moments notice and we can't. Once again I am on the road to trying not fail but will probably fail everyday for a while.
Recently I have been feeling really bad. I live in an apartment with a friend and her teen. I have no job, but live on what school money I get. My friend fell on some hard times and needed help so I gave her all of my money to help with the condition that she would pay my phone bill. I no longer have a phone as my bill is overdue. I clean the house, do the dishes, make sure cloths are washed and so on. Her 18 year old son isn't helping like he is supposed to. Well he did do the dishes today, but only after I asked him to for the 100th time. Sunday she had come home, most of the time she is at her boyfriends, and complained about a very clean house. I was hurt. I don't have a phone because of her and she has the nerve to complain about a cleaned house. I am overwhelmed and for the past month I have wanted nothing more then to cut or burn myself. I fought the urge quit well... until today. Yesterday I had a friend over and so did the 18 year old. We all played a game of magic and messed up the living room. I had left to spend time with my sister today and asked him to pick up his stuff and do the dishes today. My phone was also supposed to be turned back on today as she said she paid the bill. My phone was not turned on and when I came home dishes were not done and living room was still full of his things. As I was typing this he finally did the dishes. But this was my last straw, I could no longer hold my self back. I grabbed a lighter heated the small screw driver up and placed it on my wrist's flesh. The pain was like and old friend coming back to comfort me from all of my troubles. I had finally gotten some control back in my life. Even though I feel much better and calmer I know I don't want to continue this. I had almost made it a year with out harming myself. A year... what a mild stone that would have been. But today I failed at that year. And I will probably fail again tomorrow and the next day until I can get a grip once again.
You see what some people seem to fail at understanding with our harming ourselves is the fact that this is an addiction just like doing drugs or drinking. We who harm ourselves understand this, but those who find us doing it don't. They seem to think it is something that we can just stop at a moments notice and we can't. Once again I am on the road to trying not fail but will probably fail everyday for a while.
Maybe try to get out of the house more and breathe, and also, try doing something nice for yourself, like taking a long hot bath or making soup for yourself with alphabets in it. Do whatever helps you personally.