Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I no longer cut, bu I hit bite and scratch. I really bash myself in the head with both fists as hard as I can sometimes with a cane and sometimes with a hammer. I hid the hammer. I know when I do that it's out of self hate and anger. I bite my finger and I don't even realize I'm doing it. But the most dangerous thing is scratching. Sometimes I know I'm doing it sometimes I don't. I have 2 amputations from scratching. I'm a diabetic and have poor circulation. Both times I scratched myself and they became infected and turned to gangreen. I've also been hospitalized twice with MRSA. Most of the time when I scratch or bite I don't know I'm doing it. Has anyone else had this experience?
ArtistMWS
You really need to work on not hitting yourself, especially not with hammers & other objects. As for the question you asked; I haven't done any of that but I've read on other forums where some ppl have the same "habit"; I think they call it "black out cutting" which in your case would be "black out scratching/biting"
loum50
I have put the hammers away and have not used them for awhile. If I give myself some time between when I get the urge to hurt myself and hurt myself sometimes I don't have to. I am trying to be more aware of when I scratch myself. I have been listening to some mindfulness audios and they help me to be more present. I do lose time and when I was able to drive, sometimes I would end up somewhere different than where I planed on going.
ArtistMWS
glad to hear you're doing things to get out of that habit; have you spoken with a dr about your "blackouts" ? They might know of a medical reason for it happening to you.
loum50
I've had a brain MRI and other MRIs and cat scans and ultra sounds and all kinds of blood tests on a regular basis. I've been dissociating since early childhood. It was a way of surviving. I've spent a lot of time in hospitals and rehabs for medical issues. I know why I dissociate and I am better at not doing it than I used to be. I'm not always sure that's a good thing. Sometimes I don't want to be present.
ArtistMWS
well I think we all believe sometimes that it'd better if we could disassociate ourselves but I think it's better to know what you're doing at all times so at least u can be in control of your actions.
loum50
Just came back from my therapist's office. She wants me to start externalizing the anger and hit a pillow or beat the bed with my cane. I told her I can do that but I really won't feel the anger. She said I was taught to hate myself and that if i start hitting other things even though I don't believe that I'm angry at something else I have to start somewhere and that I will start to feel it eventually. She wants me to do it every day. I'll try it. I have nothing to lose. And if nothing else I'll get some exercise and maybe I won't have enough energy to hit myself. I left my glasses there and I'm not hitting myself.
ArtistMWS
thank you for the update & that does make a lot of sense and hopefully it will work over time; I'm very glad you haven' t hit yourself; that's a very good and positive start :)
loum50
I was sitting here thinking tomorrow is going to be a difficult day because I'm going to be alone all day. But I have a plan to deal with it, I hope it works. And a picked a scab and made it bleed without even thinking about it. At least I'm aware I did it, that's progress I guess. You know what they say. Progress not perfection.
ArtistMWS
oh yea definitely; as they say " every journey begins with a single step" so it's all about making little steps equal bigger steps later on.
loum50
My son wanted me to go over his house tomorrow, but food is another problem of mine. I stopped eating meat and I have to be careful of my portions. So being around all that food would not be a good idea.
ArtistMWS
I hear you; I became vegetarian when I was about 21 or so, so around the holidays meals are a bit different for me too. Perhaps your son can bring you a small plate of food over with stuff you can eat and that won't make you go overboard and then you'll also have a bit of company.
loum50
Wow I am really out of it tonight. I just took the wrong meds I took my morning meds instead of my night meds. I set them up so I have a weeks worth of morning meds set up for each day in one container and night meds in another container and I have them clearly marked. Usually when I take the wrong meds I don't know it until I notice I have an extra day of one and I'm short a day of the other. I need to go to bed.
ArtistMWS
Sleep well :)
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