You're not a failure. You're just going through a hard time. I'm here if you need to talk... And it sounds like you do...

your manager? not your fault. your boyfriend? not your fault. you deserve better. and if the manager has a temper or you are scared that he could become physical, contact someone. the owner, the branch manager, someone higher up than him and express your concerns.

depression has a nasty habit of being a slippery slope. when at the beginning, you think "it's not that bad. it's a long way til i hit bottom". before you know it, you are there. and nobody can climb out of that all on their own. so contact someone. a helpline, a hospital, a close friend or family member. someone who can give you something to hold onto while you get out of this depression. trust me, i used to think the same way you did. just 2 years ago, i was prepared to take my own life. i had a few people who i thought couldn't care less about me, who instead reached a hand out to help me. and 2 years later, i'm getting ready to go to a new university, i'm moving forward with my life, i've made several new friends. it does get better. just please keep holding on until it gets better

I'd leave that job. I had an insane manager as well. The bitch held a knife to my throat because I told her someone was delivering stuff. I left that job. Did you look around for something else even if it's just temporary?

And it's your brothers fault he's an alcoholic. Best to not talk to him.

And DO NOT call those stupid hotlines they don't care about anyone and will annoy you to know end lol. The people in the hospital will make you more suicidal than ever if you go and I strongly recommend not going because I hate myself everyday for going there. They do NOT help you. Trust me. They just abuse you and leave you feeling so much worse.

I also feel like death is the only option. I'm having the same problems as you with money and jobs. I can't afford school, bills, etc. And everyone in my life is fucked up. Can't afford to live basically and there seems no point in living.

But, don't take it out on yourself. It's not your fault. There are so many people who can't afford to get their lives going because of how sucky the economy is. Living is too expensive. I also feel like a failure. But really, it's not our fault everything is so hard. Living is just harder for people who don't come from good families. You're not alone.

the people who work for the hotlines DO care. i'm sorry, i don't believe that people would volunteer (and many of them are volunteers), not get paid, all because they "don't care". same with hospitals. nobody goes into the medical field for money. they do it because they want to help. so i ask you, if you think you need to call a hotline or go to a hospital, please do so. they just want to help

Hi nemesis.
Death isn't the only option. I have issues at work also, so I can relate to that.
There's always ppl here for you to chat with.
Msg me anytime ;-)

Thank you all so much for being there for me, I was really suffering and feeling very low. I dont feel as though im out of the woods yet, but I suppose what happened with my manager on saturday is going to take some getting over.
and as for everything else, i guess i'll just have to... I dunno! I'll just have to talk to you guys when i need to instead of bottling everything up like i always do, which is how i get into messes like this in the first place.
((HUGS)) everybody!

@FadingIntoDarkness I speak from experience when I say they don't care and they are abusive. They DO NOT do anything to help you. All they do is keep you isolated. There is no one to talk to and you aren't allowed to move. Trust me, you being locked up alone with abusive people who hate their jobs and nothing to do makes the suicidal feelings SO much worse.

They judge you, don't let you talk, cry, or do anything. You cry? You get locked in a dark room by yourself for hours. You should have seen what they did to the schizophrenic ppl who couldn't help talking. It was awful. You have NO idea.

I'm trying to save others who don't really need to go from going. I thought they'd help me, and they made me hate myself.

Almost ALL nurses now go into it for money. I worked in the nursing dept at my school dealing with people coming in all the time wanting information solely for the purpose of making money. Middle aged women only having to go to school for 2 years.

The medical assistance are worse and don't even go to school. They go to a six week training program.

They DO do it for the money. You have no idea what you are talking about. Yeah, there are some good ones, but not all. I learned the hard way not to trust people who are supposed to be good and help you.

If someone isn't really going to kill themselves and there is another way than going to a hospital, they shouldn't go because they will hate it. That's all. You should only go if being isolated and locked up is the only way to keep you from killing yourself.

Also, the volunteers? People DO get paid to answers those phones. It's there job. Yeah you might have some special volunteer one but not everyone does.

The lady started yelling at me for having severe flashbacks and told me to get over it, which only triggered me more. Yeah, that was helpful.