Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
i dont self harm. Never have. So i know ill never truly relate to you people here, but i hope ill achieve some understanding of how hard life can be for you at times.
About 3 year ago i had a friendship with a young woman who told me she'd been abused when a child and who i came to believe was DID. Trying to make sense of things i googled multiple personality it took me to a SU(?) Forum, which led me to a linked Poetry Forum where i met several young people who self harm. Which eventually brought me to this SI Forum. Three years later im still skype friends with some of those young people. Two year ago i wrote a poem called broken when a child inspired by 3 young women the woman who i believe to be DID and 2 others who self harm, one having been sexually abused when young. I was reminded of this poem by claireys posting why, right? here a week or so back. My poem isnt terribly good cos im not a terribly good poet, so it doesnt really manage to express how i feel about those young women.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I admire you people so much. Really admire you. Which probably sounds a tad stupid. None the less, its true. Perhaps im wrong, but it seems to me you people often struggle daily with the need to self harm. Struggle daily with the consequences of the hurts inflicted upon you when you were little. I believe some of you also have times in your life when you struggle with thoughts of suicide (and yeah, i know self harm is not the same, just the opposite in fact?) And you might do this isolated in shame and embarrassment and loneliness. I wish you didnt have to feel such things, didnt have to hide yourselves from the world in this manner. It seems just another harsh burden for you. I never have to struggle this hard to live life while hiding myslf from my friends or family. Nor do i have to struggle to choose life life is my default. There have been very few times in my life ive had to find the strength you people find daily in your lives and im 3 to 4X older than most of you! I doubt i would cope as well as you do. I dont have your courage or you ability to persevere. All of you, you are so strong, and you dont even seem to realise it. I think you all should be proud of yourselves for what you achieve daily. Cos it is no small thing.
Anyways, heres my poem, a composite of 3 young women i like a lot - i hope it deosn't seem too shallow to you ...
i doubt that they care
for the damage they've done ...
innocence defiled.
with no one to see
the confusions that follow
as identities pile.
then it's easy to condemn
the irritations of a
young life turning wild.
as we turn our backs to
the hurt she must feel
if cutting seems mild.
yet an occasional hint
of the sadness leaks out,
there to see in her smile.
and I doubt that she knows
how much courage she has,
broken ... when a child.
About 3 year ago i had a friendship with a young woman who told me she'd been abused when a child and who i came to believe was DID. Trying to make sense of things i googled multiple personality it took me to a SU(?) Forum, which led me to a linked Poetry Forum where i met several young people who self harm. Which eventually brought me to this SI Forum. Three years later im still skype friends with some of those young people. Two year ago i wrote a poem called broken when a child inspired by 3 young women the woman who i believe to be DID and 2 others who self harm, one having been sexually abused when young. I was reminded of this poem by claireys posting why, right? here a week or so back. My poem isnt terribly good cos im not a terribly good poet, so it doesnt really manage to express how i feel about those young women.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I admire you people so much. Really admire you. Which probably sounds a tad stupid. None the less, its true. Perhaps im wrong, but it seems to me you people often struggle daily with the need to self harm. Struggle daily with the consequences of the hurts inflicted upon you when you were little. I believe some of you also have times in your life when you struggle with thoughts of suicide (and yeah, i know self harm is not the same, just the opposite in fact?) And you might do this isolated in shame and embarrassment and loneliness. I wish you didnt have to feel such things, didnt have to hide yourselves from the world in this manner. It seems just another harsh burden for you. I never have to struggle this hard to live life while hiding myslf from my friends or family. Nor do i have to struggle to choose life life is my default. There have been very few times in my life ive had to find the strength you people find daily in your lives and im 3 to 4X older than most of you! I doubt i would cope as well as you do. I dont have your courage or you ability to persevere. All of you, you are so strong, and you dont even seem to realise it. I think you all should be proud of yourselves for what you achieve daily. Cos it is no small thing.
Anyways, heres my poem, a composite of 3 young women i like a lot - i hope it deosn't seem too shallow to you ...
i doubt that they care
for the damage they've done ...
innocence defiled.
with no one to see
the confusions that follow
as identities pile.
then it's easy to condemn
the irritations of a
young life turning wild.
as we turn our backs to
the hurt she must feel
if cutting seems mild.
yet an occasional hint
of the sadness leaks out,
there to see in her smile.
and I doubt that she knows
how much courage she has,
broken ... when a child.
"as we turn our backs to
the hurt she must feel
if cutting seems mild.
yet an occasional hint
of the sadness leaks out,
there to see in her smile."
I love that part of you poem, it seems to describe me perfectly.
Thank you for caring, and thank you for being in this group, and even if you never dealt with this stuff yourself, I think you will be a strong pillar of support and understanding for us.
The poem is pretty amazing. Scarletjaded said it best. Mind blowing.
Thank you for understanding, caring, and not judging!
:)
And why shouldn't i admire you fo this?
*smiles*
why on earth would i (adversely) judge you? It presumes fault on your part and i can't see any. I can see only hurts - and for this you should have support not judgement
thankyou for yours and scarletjaded's responses, for the lovely comments you both left on my poem
: -)
And like they said too, people like us, SI'ers, we feel disgusted by it. and to feel like someone on the outside understands and appriciates what we do and the causes for it...it's exactly as scarlet says, mind blowing.
I just wanted to say that, if you wanted to live that bady, that you would go to the very limits just to stay alive in the HOPE that your future would be a better one--one with only happiness and joy, no pain and suffering and struggling to get through everyday--you would do anything you can now to hold onto that mere hope of that future where you won't have to struggle in that future. And I hopeI'm not speaking out of turn for all of SI'ers here, but from what I've read, from who has talked to me -not neccissarily in this group, but in the many groups I'm in where we have cross-overs of people who SI but are only in that group- We just want to have that future of less pain and struggle. We truely WANT to live. To me, that's the reason we all do this.
And I never thought of it before you posted this, but even I admire our struggle just to live one more day...
it's funny the way the mind works, LauraLuv17.
You jogged my memory of 10 year ago. I got a very bad lung infection which turned into 2 year of ongoing health crisis. I had a heart attack, perhaps 2, my gallbladder and a nasopharangeal mass were removed. I was admitted to hospital 6X, presented to Cas and kept overnight but not actually admitted several more times. Because i didn't present typically and had strange consequences to some surgeries i also required numerous visits to respiratory physicians, cardio's, neurologists, sleep laboratories and an Institute for the brain and mind. It seemed relentless and i just shut down, telling myself alls i could do was endure.
And the reason i'm rambling is this. During this time i had the support of family, friends, colleagues and i had whole fucking hospitals (4 of them over those years) dedicated to saving my life and making me well. Yet i still shut down my emotional life, and only started to wake up a couple of year ago. Still haven't completely woken yet. You people are just as stressed as i was, if not more, and you regularly cope with it in isolation With little or no support - or worse - with condemnation. And further burdened by feelings of shame and self disgust?
c'mon, you are all so strong
and you all should be so proud of yourselves ...
and i'm glad if i was able to remind you of this
a PS, would you consider posting some of your poetry, i'd like to read it
: -)
thankyou ...
: -)
(simply cos i don't self harm)
but i want to underdstand much as i can
so thankyou for accepting me into your community here at DS