Im a cutter and an addict. I have stopped for 26 days today. There is a pattern for me as well. I asked a counselor about it and it is related to PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) It doesn't really talk about the pattern tough. My counselor explained it as a chemical thing in the brain. The brain is triggered worse around the day you quit becase it's screaming to get relief. It is so used to the endorhin release you produced by cutting. and now it is without. There are days I miss cutting so bad too. Like today. This friday will be 30 days clean and sober and no cutting! Longest time ever for all three addictions. Hang in there and remember the reasons why you quit. The urges are so strong I know. Here is what a friend told me:
"The thought of cutting is not the same as the desire to cut and either need to plunge us intop gloom or fear. Both can be viewed simply as warning bells to remind us of the perils of addiction."

i just blew a nice stint of wracked of time i had collected because the need over powered me to the point of no return...i did not put two and two together about time in between my addiction...you certainly have a good point there...makes things seem clearer...i wish us all peace enough peace to abstain from our SH for awhile

Thanks so much... that really helped. I am trying my darndest to keep doing as good as I have been and stay strong. The right stuff in life never comes easy.

Keep fighting. I had quit cutting for 3 years. It was so hard I thought about it every single day and every night it was nearly impossible to sleep but I did. I relapsed over a stupid reason and I know right now it doesnt seem like that big of a deal but 6 months is a long time. You would hate to have to start all over again. When you make it past that milestone it is going to feel great! The road ahead isnt easy but it will be worth it. Think of all the reasons why you quit and keep moving forward!

Your not a freak and your not disgusting, you just learned a very easy coping skill, in place of harder healthier coping skills. When we're overcome with depression, anxiety, fear, pain, anger we don't stop to find long term solutions to the problem, we go for whatever is right in front of us. And cutting is a learned behavior, so its very ingrained on your brain....but it can be unlearned.

You seem to cut for the bloodletting and not the pain. That's not uncommon in cutters it's about 40/60, bloodletters to pain. That's why I've always cut for the bloodletting, as I watch the blood stream out of my body I see all the "bad" stuff in me going with it, I rarely even feel it anymore when I cut, so the pain is insignificant to me.

To break the cycle, you have to disrupt the pattern. You know when its going to hit, and at that time you have to verbally remind tell yourself," I don't need to cut, I'm done with that, I don't need to cut" and get your mind focused on positive thoughts and memories so that the urge to cut is overran. You do this often enough and you'll retrain your brain to not miss the cutting. When your verbally confronting yourself, eating dark chocolate can help also, as it released endorphins in the brain similar to the ones cutting does.

Its not easy and its a lot of hard work, but learned behaviors can be unlearned....

Just keep strong. I started cutting when I was 14 and I was addicted, I couldn't stop everyday I just had to get the release that came with it. It took 2 years before I could even try to stop with the help of one observant friend and a therapist. That was two years ago and I still can't control the urges, though they are getting better and I know how to avoid acting on the urges. You just need to stay strong and that will help so much.

Thanks you guys, I didn't do it! I made it a few more days, I'm still free! I think I can do it this year, finally break it =D

I am also fighting my urge to start cutting again. The thing is I haven't been cutting, but doing other things, like pressing my nails into my skin. I don't even realize I'm doing it. When I feel like I'm ready to cut, it's because something very bad has reved up my anxiety, my panic and my need to release. You are not a freak. I understand your fight.