I havent cut myself in about three years. (yay!!) I cut myself yesterday, let me explain. I stopped cutting myself to better myself and it worked. I cut because I was lonely and wanted children. I found my soulmate who has a two year old. He was really sweet to me and loves me unconditionally. He is now in college as am I and he seems to have better things to do than spend time with me (even though we live together). I know I seem to be jealous when we sit next to each other and he talks to his friends from school online. (females) and when he notices things that should be concerning (Like his friend had twins and one passed away, she wrote on her myspace that she wants to be with her son again, he said thats a sign of suicide she should be taken care of) and Im sitting next to him cutting myself (so to speak). I have been thinking about why and it seems to me that I still feel lonely even though Im with him because Im reaching out to him and he's not noticing. Im reaching out for attention and not quite receiving a satisfactory amount. I tried talking to him but he says that he's really busy and doesnt have that much time to spend just cuddling or watching a movie and holding me. Yet my schooling is supposed to take more time than his does and I have to keep things clean, keep him happy and spend time with our son. I get so stressed out about it all that I have no effective outlet other than hurting myself (which he made me promise to never do again). I feel like I cant help it because its my only outlet but I cant hurt him anymore. I feel like I should just do it somewhere he wont notice and hide it or make up stories but will he even be concerned or even notice for that matter? Will he know Im lying when I make up excuses and I dont even want to lie to him, ever!! I just dont know what to do about this, I cant make EVERYONE happy!!! I seem to work so hard and exhaust myself to make everyone happy and ignore myself and I cant even achieve my goal making everyone else happy!! I just dont know what to do!!!! :'((
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