You can pull yourself out of the depression, but I strongly suggest going to the hospital, because the issues isn't just cuting too deep or the depression, but even if you do pull yourself out, and recover emotionally, an infection could destroy that. Also, fighting a poential serious infection will take energy, and you might not feel like fighting the depression, because you are jus too exhausted, and physically drained to do it. And seeing the scars from the wounds not healing properly can cause serious emotional distress by their severiy and reminding you of the pain you felt. And even if your counceller's a moron, you can talk to me, and anyone here at DS!

I was able to pull myself out of my depression when I was younger, but it didn't happen overnight. Since you said you are cutting so severely and are feeling ambivalent about death, it sounds like you're not really there yet. You may really need to be in the hospital, as much as you don't want to go... sounds like the safest place for you right now. Don't look at it like, oh here we go again, same ol' sh*t, nothing's gonna change... just look at it as, you need a place to chill for a bit where you know you'll be safe and can try to calm the chaos in your head, sort out your thoughts, etc.

Not to sound like a total bummer, but to end on a high note, it IS possible to get yourself out of a depression... it does take work but I was able to do it (well, after meds and hospitalizations as well)... I just decided that I was sick of feeling that way and worked to take control of my mind, instead of letting my mind control me, you know? To challenge those negative thought patterns and work to replace them with positive ones. Easier said than done, but YES, it can absolutely be done. (As a side note, meditation was a big help to me... maybe get some info on it and try it?)

I don;t understand why your counsellor has dropped of the earth, but have you got any close friends maybe. It won't do much but try your journal/diary? Umm my counsellor suggested this, instead of cutting, pre-occupy yourself:
5 THINGS:
Say 5 things you can see around you
Say 5 things you can feel
Say 5 things you can hear.

But the point of that is not too rush, take your time and point out the little things, even just the slgiht noise of wind outside you can hear.

Go to the hospital. If you are at the point of not caring if you die...then you need to get some help. Depression is a serious medical condition that doesn't just go away. The fact that you posted this here tells me that you really do want some help. Please....go to the hospital.

Hey :) First off your not alone in this!!! I Know how your feeling! My support is well me! I have no-one else I can rely on, my docotr wont help and I think I have pretty much cut VERY day for the last 3 months. I constantly have bandages on my arms legs cheat and stomach, which are becoming a real pain!

I wish I had the optoin to go ointo hospital, if I do though I lose my animals and that is worse to me than beiung bulimic cutting or even dying!!!

If you think you can happliy check yourself into hosptial then DO IT!!! Otherwise go to your GP in the morning, some are fabulous, my last one was GREAT, the one I have now unless you are laying on the floor uncontious(excuse the spelling) he wont help!!!

You dont need to suffer like this!

you can pull yourself out of this, bti strongly suggrest that you go to the hopsital.....if we need help, we need help.....it's OKAY to get help....i know that hodpitals can sometimes be a pain-i've bene there 4 times-but they help us.......you're not alone in this, and i reccomend you go to the hopdital....everyone here cares about you and we all want youto be safe....