Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
I am the girl in the back of the classroom. I have a story that would shock most people that knew me. My story is nothing like what they would expect. It is a story of pain, brokenness, love, suicide, and loneliness.
My name is Victoria and I am 16 years old. I have an older sister who is married and has a kid. I am a junior in high school. I play in the band, work on the yearbook, I even take part in UIL competitions. On the outside I seem normal, on the inside I am a broken, dying girl.
When I was five and a half months I was taken away from my mom. My dad was in prison so he was never around. I was taken in by my great grandmother (Nana). My mother finally started coming around again when I was around three years old. But once when I was four her boyfriend at the time molested me. That is very scarring for a four year old. Many people will say that you cant remember anything at that age, but you can. My dad got out of jail when I was about eight. Even then though he didnt really want anything to do with me. For awhile things went good.
The real problems started in 6th grade. I had always been the fat girl, the nerd, the brainiac. That opened me up to all kinds of bullying. It was mostly verbal, very seldom physical. My weight was the main topic for the teasing. I suffered in silence all the way through 6th and 7th grade. But at the end of 7th grade I told my great grandmother. She went up to the school with my grandmother and told the principal about it. He said that he couldnt deal with it. That I needed to find a way to get over it myself. So I got moved to a new school.
I was thirteen by this time. My new school was a little better but I had been dealing with things for so long that it just took me over. I started cutting then. I eventually got involved in a relationship with a 23 year old and I was still only thirteen. I thought we were in love but that wasnt the case. My grandmother found out and took my phone. She made me sever all contact with him and it destroyed me. That night I attempted suicide. I took a bunch of pills and feel asleep. Obviously it wasnt enough to do anything but make me high as a kite. So I got up and went to school the next day. My friends notice I was slurring my words and was very disorientated. They sent me to the office so they could call my Nana.
She took me to the doctor and they did a drug test. They didnt know I had attempted because when they do a drug test they couldnt tell how much was in my system, just what was in it. And I had used my regular prescription drugs so there was nothing suspicious. Later that week I had come clean about everything and told my Nana I was trying to kill myself and that I had been cutting myself for at least four months. They called around until they found an open bed in a psychiatric hospital and they shipped me off. I was in there for about eleven days and then I was cleared to go home. I thought I was cured and everything was better. They had diagnosed me with clinical major depression and bipolar disorder. I was put on about three different drugs.
But I kept cutting still and attempted another time. Got hospitalized again and got out. It seemed like I was doomed to keep repeating that cycle. The next time was more serious. I took so many drugs that I didnt know what I was doing. I can hardly remember what happened. I know I was on the phone with my sister and mom and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Apparently one of them called my grandmother and she unlocked the door and found me almost passed out with blood streaming from the many cuts on my arms. She rushed me to the hospital and they made me drink the charcoal so I would throw up the drugs in my system. They stitched up some of the cuts on my arm. All I can remember from my four day stay in ICU in a childrens hospital was part of the ambulance ride there and waking up with Nana laying right there in the hospital bed the whole time.
Of course when they let me go it was to go right back to a psychiatric hospital. I stayed for about a week and then I went back home. The only other reason I have been hospitalized for since then is for cutting. I still do it, I dont know how to stop.
This is just a condensed version not everything.
My name is Victoria and I am 16 years old. I have an older sister who is married and has a kid. I am a junior in high school. I play in the band, work on the yearbook, I even take part in UIL competitions. On the outside I seem normal, on the inside I am a broken, dying girl.
When I was five and a half months I was taken away from my mom. My dad was in prison so he was never around. I was taken in by my great grandmother (Nana). My mother finally started coming around again when I was around three years old. But once when I was four her boyfriend at the time molested me. That is very scarring for a four year old. Many people will say that you cant remember anything at that age, but you can. My dad got out of jail when I was about eight. Even then though he didnt really want anything to do with me. For awhile things went good.
The real problems started in 6th grade. I had always been the fat girl, the nerd, the brainiac. That opened me up to all kinds of bullying. It was mostly verbal, very seldom physical. My weight was the main topic for the teasing. I suffered in silence all the way through 6th and 7th grade. But at the end of 7th grade I told my great grandmother. She went up to the school with my grandmother and told the principal about it. He said that he couldnt deal with it. That I needed to find a way to get over it myself. So I got moved to a new school.
I was thirteen by this time. My new school was a little better but I had been dealing with things for so long that it just took me over. I started cutting then. I eventually got involved in a relationship with a 23 year old and I was still only thirteen. I thought we were in love but that wasnt the case. My grandmother found out and took my phone. She made me sever all contact with him and it destroyed me. That night I attempted suicide. I took a bunch of pills and feel asleep. Obviously it wasnt enough to do anything but make me high as a kite. So I got up and went to school the next day. My friends notice I was slurring my words and was very disorientated. They sent me to the office so they could call my Nana.
She took me to the doctor and they did a drug test. They didnt know I had attempted because when they do a drug test they couldnt tell how much was in my system, just what was in it. And I had used my regular prescription drugs so there was nothing suspicious. Later that week I had come clean about everything and told my Nana I was trying to kill myself and that I had been cutting myself for at least four months. They called around until they found an open bed in a psychiatric hospital and they shipped me off. I was in there for about eleven days and then I was cleared to go home. I thought I was cured and everything was better. They had diagnosed me with clinical major depression and bipolar disorder. I was put on about three different drugs.
But I kept cutting still and attempted another time. Got hospitalized again and got out. It seemed like I was doomed to keep repeating that cycle. The next time was more serious. I took so many drugs that I didnt know what I was doing. I can hardly remember what happened. I know I was on the phone with my sister and mom and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Apparently one of them called my grandmother and she unlocked the door and found me almost passed out with blood streaming from the many cuts on my arms. She rushed me to the hospital and they made me drink the charcoal so I would throw up the drugs in my system. They stitched up some of the cuts on my arm. All I can remember from my four day stay in ICU in a childrens hospital was part of the ambulance ride there and waking up with Nana laying right there in the hospital bed the whole time.
Of course when they let me go it was to go right back to a psychiatric hospital. I stayed for about a week and then I went back home. The only other reason I have been hospitalized for since then is for cutting. I still do it, I dont know how to stop.
This is just a condensed version not everything.
LoveAlice
Do they know about what your moms boyfriend did to you? And who do you live with now? And I understand why you cut. There is just too much pain inside.
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your pain. I honestly don't know what to say that can make this all better. You have a reason to cut. Yeah it's still a bad thing to do but understand. I have tried to kill myself many times. I tried overdosing, hanging my self, and I tried bleeding myself dry but i still survived sadly. I really hope it gets better for you.
Icantstop
I live with my great grandmother right now
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