i just dont know what o do anymore i feel like my world is falling apart, when im off my meds i freak out, i get paranoid and it has to annoy my friends cuz i always assume they are mad and apologize a million and one times a day and i hate it and i know im doing it but cant stop it. :( i hate being off my meds not that they fix it all but i mean they help it not be so bad... i can actually keep my emotions somewhat under control. and then there are the flashbacks and the cutting and all the things that go away when i can control my emotions and come back all at once when i cant :( im crying more and i hate it it makes me feel weak and i know you will all say its ok to cry but i still feel weak. and stupid, i mean i started crying cuz my mom took my tire to get it fixed and i was supposed to meet my friend for lunch and was gonna be lat i mean that was no big deal at least normally but i flipped out started crying and screaming and hitting walls and then cut. and i hate that i hate losing control of myself how can i ever be ok when i cant even control any emotions without meds and have no insurance or money so i cant get pills and im going nuts. i feel crazy and everyone around me thinks i am its so not right
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