I've had quite literally the best week of my life with the most amazing guy ever. I met david on this site in February of 2014, in a discussion post like this, I was asking for advice on how to keep my scars hidden from my abusive boyfriend at the time. He was very helpful and sent me a message explaining that he knows how I feel and that I could confide in whenever I needed him. We messaged through here for a few days before deciding to text. David was always so so helpful ans sweet and I grew quite fond of him. I stayed with my abusive boyfriend for a while till I finally got the strength to leave and ended up in yet again an abusive relationship. David and I stayed in touch through out the past year tho having never met we talked all the time and we're again lays there for eachother. This past December is when I finally admitted to myself again way snd others that I've developed a strong love for david and let him know so as well. Finally able to get out of my abusive relationship, David and I started dating on January 22nd and it has been wonderful. We still Had yet to meet in person but just through the constant texts, calls, video messages I feel like we had grown to know each other more than anyone else I've known. Last week he showed up to surprise me for my birthday and truthfully I was shocked. I was expecting him to not like me in person or for things to be awkward but it was the best week of my life. He is so sweet and funny and handsome and we clicked so well, it felt like we had known one another all our lives. When we kissed it was like the fourth of july, he was always so gentle with me and even took me on a romantic date to this beautiful little Italian resturant and a movie. it felt so wonderful to have him there all the time and to see him smiling at me whenever I looked up. Looking into his eyes you could tell he actually loved me which I've never seen before with anyone. He makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world and that I'm actually special and I don't kniw what I would do without him. Although after this amazing, fun, fairytale like week that we shared, he had to go back home a few states away last night ans.it broke my heart. I sat in his car and cried and barely had the strength to stand and watch him drive away. Icried myself into an exhausted restless sleep and today I've felt so numb. I keep getting these awful suicidal thought about like crashing my car or stepping out in front of one, overdosing on pain pills or slitting my wrists and all I want to do is numb this pain. I have such bad abandonment issues And I just don't know how to function now. I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal to other people but I have so many issues and not having him here hurts And I just.. I feel lost and hopeless with all the other stresses I'm going through. I graduate from highschool in 8 weeks and I honestly thought I would have killed.myself a long time ago so the closer I get the more panicked I become.. any advice? I am such a mess and I can't think of how to not cut and Keep calm..