Self-Injury Support Group
Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.
My life has gone to shit.
For years now I have depended on my father for all financial support. I am not allowed to work because of neurological and psych issues. My dad pays rent, bills, food, you name it he pays. My mother tries to help when she can. I have recently gotten food stamps and am trying for welfare and healthcare through the state to help.
My dad cannot handle me financially any more. I have been a burden for years. I have tried to help out as much as I can. But it's not enough.
And its not just financial like that. My mother and I do not get along and I just cause her emotional pain and grief. Idk why she hasn't just dumped me by now. Same for my dad.
I have psych issues and medical issues and just life.
I babysit these kids every other week when their mom works nights. Now their mother's gf is doing it. I was not warned. I was just told when I asked her when she needed me. Babysitting these kids has been the one thing that has helped me hold it together. I got money to help my dad, and I had something to truly live for. Their mother isn't really a mother, doesn't do much for them at all. I felt I was kind of the rock, I would be there. Now with no warning she doesn't need me anymore. Those kids will not be taken care of correctly. And now I can't even help them. I am a worthless pile of shit. And now, more of a burden again.
I have $20 to my name and my father just gave me that, even though he doesn't have the money to do so. My only way of helping, getting my own money, doing anything but sit on my ass is gone. I can't even do more babysitting. The only reason I was able to do those kids is because 3/4 of them are disabled and my brain runs along the same line. i can't even do one normal kid, too much stress and I may have a psych break or have a seizure. I was able to do the 1 normal out of the 4 because she wasn't normal. She was used to taking care of and helping her siblings and being more grown up then she should be.
My family is in debt. I am a worthless piece of shit that can only sit on her ass and drain my family dry. Everyone complains about me. The few people that care I cannot see any reason that they do... I only think my parents care because they have to or they would look really shitty in front of everyone else, not helping their disabled daughter.
I just shouldn't be here anymore. There is no point. I have no point. I can't even take care of myself. There is no reason for me to be here, and while I am here I am causing issue after issue. Driving me to doctors appts is a huge burden on people, and now its made worse. The one person that could help with that is now focused on my cousin. He deserves it more than me, I am glad she is with him. He is my cousin who is 11 and just had a tumor removed from his brain. Now he needs chemo and radiation. At least he may get back to normal. But now I'm more of a burden for my grandmother because she feels bad that she isn't driving me to appts and helping my family with that. She is feeling like shit because she is split between 2 sick grandchildren. Just another burden on another person.
All I do is cause misery and issues for everyone. I'm not even good enough to care about myself. Only reason I am sitting here typing this and not dead is because I know people do care... but those who care I just cause worse and worse issues and they shouldn't be caring about me.
I should just end it, I want to end it. I don't know what to do because either way I am hurting people. I stay I continue to be a burden, hurting people, draining them of money, causing issues and hurt. I go and I hurt them all emotionally, possibly angering them because they will think if I was going to do this I should have done it sooner and saved them the money and issues I have caused.
I want to leave, but Idk which is worse. Someone please help me.
For years now I have depended on my father for all financial support. I am not allowed to work because of neurological and psych issues. My dad pays rent, bills, food, you name it he pays. My mother tries to help when she can. I have recently gotten food stamps and am trying for welfare and healthcare through the state to help.
My dad cannot handle me financially any more. I have been a burden for years. I have tried to help out as much as I can. But it's not enough.
And its not just financial like that. My mother and I do not get along and I just cause her emotional pain and grief. Idk why she hasn't just dumped me by now. Same for my dad.
I have psych issues and medical issues and just life.
I babysit these kids every other week when their mom works nights. Now their mother's gf is doing it. I was not warned. I was just told when I asked her when she needed me. Babysitting these kids has been the one thing that has helped me hold it together. I got money to help my dad, and I had something to truly live for. Their mother isn't really a mother, doesn't do much for them at all. I felt I was kind of the rock, I would be there. Now with no warning she doesn't need me anymore. Those kids will not be taken care of correctly. And now I can't even help them. I am a worthless pile of shit. And now, more of a burden again.
I have $20 to my name and my father just gave me that, even though he doesn't have the money to do so. My only way of helping, getting my own money, doing anything but sit on my ass is gone. I can't even do more babysitting. The only reason I was able to do those kids is because 3/4 of them are disabled and my brain runs along the same line. i can't even do one normal kid, too much stress and I may have a psych break or have a seizure. I was able to do the 1 normal out of the 4 because she wasn't normal. She was used to taking care of and helping her siblings and being more grown up then she should be.
My family is in debt. I am a worthless piece of shit that can only sit on her ass and drain my family dry. Everyone complains about me. The few people that care I cannot see any reason that they do... I only think my parents care because they have to or they would look really shitty in front of everyone else, not helping their disabled daughter.
I just shouldn't be here anymore. There is no point. I have no point. I can't even take care of myself. There is no reason for me to be here, and while I am here I am causing issue after issue. Driving me to doctors appts is a huge burden on people, and now its made worse. The one person that could help with that is now focused on my cousin. He deserves it more than me, I am glad she is with him. He is my cousin who is 11 and just had a tumor removed from his brain. Now he needs chemo and radiation. At least he may get back to normal. But now I'm more of a burden for my grandmother because she feels bad that she isn't driving me to appts and helping my family with that. She is feeling like shit because she is split between 2 sick grandchildren. Just another burden on another person.
All I do is cause misery and issues for everyone. I'm not even good enough to care about myself. Only reason I am sitting here typing this and not dead is because I know people do care... but those who care I just cause worse and worse issues and they shouldn't be caring about me.
I should just end it, I want to end it. I don't know what to do because either way I am hurting people. I stay I continue to be a burden, hurting people, draining them of money, causing issues and hurt. I go and I hurt them all emotionally, possibly angering them because they will think if I was going to do this I should have done it sooner and saved them the money and issues I have caused.
I want to leave, but Idk which is worse. Someone please help me.
Do you receive disability? Or is that the same thing as your welfare you are getting now? Also I think you could benefit from a case worker/ social worker if you don't already have one.
Have you tried talking to your dad about how you feel like a burden to him? I'm sure he could reassure you that you are not.
I know that they have programs and jobs that people with disabilities can do, I just don't know how to go about finding them. That is something that a case worker/ social worker could help you with though.
Maybe you should talk to your father, tell him how you feel? I'm sure he will reassure you that you are not a burden.
And I am sorry that you cannot babysit those children anymore. It's a shame, I can tell you really care about them. :(
Thank you for your suggestions. I know I am a burden. My father would never admit it, I know he loves me and I will always be daddy's little girl... but now the burden I am putting on him is to a point he cannot handle it. Helping me is screwing him over big time.
I have been waiting for two years to see if i will be approved for disability. Stuff takes time I guess. I do have a case worker, right now she is helping me try to get welfare.
If I talk to my dad he will say no its ok, your my daughter I love you... but I know it is hitting him way too hard. My brother still lives with him and he is honest with me. My father is struggling extremely and it is all my fault. Without me he would be a rich man by now.
I am not allowed to work, most I can do is babysitting and that just went out the window. I wish it didn't because it was helping my dad because he could give me less money, but I don't have a choice, doctors orders. Everything I do causes more of a burden on people. My mother is broke and still trying to come up with money for me, same with my dad. Me being sick all the time and hurt and the worry of me living alone with seizures and severe depression has them going nuts as well. I just feel like everyone I know's lives would be so much better, simpler if I wasn't here.
Breathe,
I am looking into that stuff and it looks like the best I can get is food stamps (which I already have) and keep working on getting welfare and government health insurance. I am trying to do that to be a little less of a burden, but I am still one no matter what.
Talking to my dad will make things worse. He feels bad enough as it is that I am sick and cannot work and that he cannot support me better. He takes on things when they are burdens. He gets really emotional inside, but never shows it, but I can tell when it is there. Talking to him about that would make him feel worse because he didn't do a good enough job of hiding his issues.
I do miss those children and hope they are alright. There was also a friend of their mothers that lives there. He works an odd schedule and is rarely home unless he is sleeping but he sees enough. I am planning on texting him tonight to see how the kids are.
PaganSpirit,
I am sorry you feel this way too. It is just horrid.
That is how I feel too. For the most part the issues I am having are slightly different but they both come to the same result, the feeling of being a burden. I have a very hard time believing that too. Especially because now it has spread outside of my family. I have become a burden on my friends as well being this way. Needing rides, help a lot, someone to stay with me quite often. My friends do their best but I can see they are all sick of taking care of me as if I was a child. I have had the same thoughts, how can they care and why are they even doing this when it has caused pain and misery for years (family), and is just making life harder on them (friends and family).
I know that they care, I just know that that caring is hurting them more and more as time goes on, causing more and more issues. I really think my father chooses to help me because he feels bad he couldn't help me more with my medical issues and disabilities.. I really think he is only taking care of me out of guilt of not noticing my mother was abusing me and guilt that he didn't help (in his mind) enough in my recovery and feels its partially his fault that I still cannot work.
I feel like I am worthless. I can't even work, can't even go a day without someone checking on me. And I cannot give any of them anything back. The definition of worthless.
I have been fighting to get disability. Got denied. Reapplied a year later, and now it has been 2 years and i am still awaiting a court date. I really want to get that as soon as possible so at least I can be less of a burden, even though I will still be a huge one.
I hope you are right, but I feel hopeless and I don't think I will ever be able to come back from this.. I've been trying to help for years and all I do is cause more issues...