I haven't done anything yet and I hope that don't but right now I want to do something badly. Something....it is more then something and I know that I want nothing more then die right now. My body and spirit is drained and I feel like I can't go on like this at all any more. I lost my job back at the end of Oct. and I have been able to handle that. I was looking for a new job applying all over the place hoping and praying that someone would give me a chance. The new Semester for college started Monday and I was looking forward to it. But on the way to my first class some idiot slammed on his brakes making me have to slow down faster then I would have liked to. This made my car fish tale and I had tried so hard to keep it from crashing but there was no saving it. My car spun and I just took my hands off the wheel and let whatever to happen happen. I landed in a bed of trees totaling my car but letting me get out with only scratches. No car, no job and now no School cause I had no way of getting there. My life is slowing being taken away from me and I feel that if I killed myself then I could prevent the world from taking my life away but instead I choose to take it away myself giving me the control. Right now it is only thoughts but cutting or burning or anything right now seems like it would be better then what life I have right now. The numbness of losing what I had is so loud right now.