I understand how you feel as I am real overweight and I don't want to be seen. Do you see a therapist? Maybe a anti-depressant could help you. I hope you don't act on your thoughts. If you feel you will please call 1-800 SUICIDE, any Suicide Hotline or call 911 or go to your ER. I am so glad you got your feelings out here on this board.
You are a valuable human being. You just don't feel it or see it right now but that can change. Hugs to ya my friend.

I always have these self harming thoughts I just wish it was over but usually they are just thoughts.
So no worries

HI HONEY!!!!!! IM AFRAID IN OUR MORDEN-LIFE [[[ PEOPLE]]] ONLY SEE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN CONDISIONED TO SEE... BY THE TV OR MAG'S OR POSTER-BOARD.'S.. MAKEING YOU FEEL UGLY IF YOUR NOT SLIM OR IF A WOMAN DONT HAVE LONG -BEAUTIFUL-HAIR [[[ THEN HOW CAN SHE BE FEM AND BEAUTIFUL ]]] OR YOU CANT BE BEAUTIFUL IF YOU ONLY HAVE ONE ARM OR LEG OR WHERE GLASSES!!! I MEAN WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH... IT'S EVERY WHERE YOU LOOK NOWDAY'S... BUT THE SAD THING IS UNLESS YOU ARE MENTALLY-STRONG]]] YOU WILL BELIEVE THOSE TYPES AND FIND SOMETHING THAT YOU DONT LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF AND BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR IT...AND OF COURSE YOU GET THOSE TYPES WHO GET TRAPPED AND BELIEVE IN ALL THAT RUBBISH. AT THE END OF THE DAY SWEETIE BE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! LEARN TO LIKE/LOVE YOURSELF!!!! [[[ FOR IM SURE UNDERNEATH ALL YOUR PAIN YOUR A TRULY LOVELY-WOMAN]]]. AND THAT'S WHERE ALL OUR TRUE-BEAUTY-SEEN.. FOR GOD HAS MADE US ALL DIFFERENT FOR A DAMN GOOD REASON...THANKFULLY!!!!! AND DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER'S THINK. OR MAYBE SAY.. BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THOSE TYPE'S OF PEOPLE WONT CARE OR THINK TWICE IF THEY HAVE HURT YOUR FEELING'S...BUT YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO IGNOR AND KEEP AWAY FROM THEM. LOT'S OF HUG'S TO MY BEAUTIFUL-FRIEND. AND REMEMBER SWEETIE YOU ARE WORTH IT. XO DC

Our beliefs about ourselves are very powerful sometimes. I have used the word freak to describe myself all the time. It doesn't matter sometimes when people tell me my perception is false. I have never seen a freak. I see everyone else as special but me. It sounds like you do too. Just know it is most important for us to try to change the way we see ourselves. I say try because it is a battle and some days frankly it may not work. I do know that everyone has something beautiful about themselves. People arenot perfect inside or out. I hate to hear you feel this way about yourself. My hope for you is you can find some things about yourself you like and then learn to love them. We are the hardest on ourselves most of the time. I am sending you big hugs and love.