Errrr.... Y hate me so much I love my family so myth buy I always end up on tears by the end had a fight today I get so irritated got nothing

I find my self thinking of death when I have no hope for the future. I have not been able to find that hope yet. Someone told me, "Maybe you can try optimism?" I looked up the work in the dictionary and thought on it. I came to the thought the hopelessness was the was the opposite of optimism. I was encouraged to remember happy things in my life. Instead of being sad for my losses I was encouraged to think of the excitement in my mind when I get the next chance to revisit them. It's a way of thinking that makes me take a second look. I know how awful you feel. I hope you are able to give yourself a well deserved rest from your negative thoughts and find a happy memory to sooth you.

This is part of a message I wrote to a friend on DS when I was able to peak above the painful space I was in. "I have come to at least one conclusion. I run from or push away negative thoughts. I try to embrace my negative thoughts as part of myself. I try to pull them back and make them safe in my reality. I have spent time with these thoughts. I look deeply into them and ask when did this start where did it come from. Why did I allow this thought to start. Before I can start to love myself I need compassion and understanding to the person I was when the thought began. I try to be compassionate with my thoughts and welcome them home. They can then be safe and not repeat anymore. I give love and compassion to the person I was when the thought began. This is no easy task." This concept stems from the Buddhist practice and other sources as well. It's new to me, but somehow it makes sense. If it does not seem right for you, then you are not as a place in your life where you can use it. If it makes sense I hope is brings some peace and rest from the place you are in.