I showed signs of mental illness, in both bipolar and schizophrenia, at a young age. I was 6 when depression took hold, and because of antidepressants, I was 6 when mania took hold. I've always showed the cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia, which is said to be the first to show, but the negative symptoms didn't appear until I was 12, and I didn't notice it. I've never really thought about being disabled by negative symptoms, but before I was 12, I was very playful and social. I orchestrated live action roleplaying, I organized a cult, I got everyone to copy the comic strips I was writing, and sell them. But most of all, I was very social. Now, I'm lazy, and I don't really feel the need to contact what friend I have left. It's hard for me to get* organized, to do* homework. I think I'm really well off, but I'm not fun. Not to sound overly dramatic, and although I love who I am, it feels like I died, somewhere along the way. That I could have shined brighter. And I wonder if my future has any treatments in store for these symptoms.