I can never focus on work and relationships. the first thirty years of my life have been a mess. Never have been able to connect to people and make meaningfull healthy living relationships with people. Ups and downs. Id just focus on work. Since relationships didnt work id work. Work never was much of a success either but at least the failure or success was under my control not someone elses like relationships were. There were times of success and bouts of success with people and work...but they were in false perspective and warped as i look back. Just the past one in a half years ive been able to make real connections with people..and in having real relationships found out who i really am. You need people to really know who you really are. I grasped it. That is my life now. People are my life. Making connections with the common person is my life now. Loving people is my life now. Ive had to give up work though , becuase if i focus on work ...or any ambition on work , focus on work..i get disoriented from being able to be social and it sucks...it takes awhile to be able to get back to being social again and i cant do it by myself. Ive got an appointment with a doc on the 21st who hopefully will give me a script for klonopin. The sky will be the limit. On klonopin i can focus on work and being social. Its like my mind and my body keep up with my will when i want to work with out the cluster fuck. I dont get all out of focus with work and being social. I think this will change my life. Im also on seroquel, celexa, resperidol. My previous pdoc for the past few years has been totally against benzinos. I have not been able to find a pdoc that takes my insurance up until now. I am always weary when things seem to fall into place...but somtimes things do fall into place....just a happy note not yet fullfilled....:)