Just a more recent update on myself.
First it's good to be back and I welcome any responses from anyone. I have strongly missed you all and all the wisdom you have given me all the time I've come for some.
On a lighter note I have quick all the drinking smoking and bad sexual activity and I found a person who accepts all those things good bad and ugly he still loves me. We have been together since July non stop he left town for Thanksgiving I get to meet his family in Atlanta for Christmas and I'm very excited for this occasion. He has encouraged and made me comfortable with going back on meds since June of this year. I am ready.
The hallucinations have gotten worse visual and auditory I can't deal but I try to stay strong I've been depressed more often than not when I'm alone and I have suffered from extreme suicidal thoughts for awhile. Proudly I am still alive of course and if it weren't for my boyfriend I'd probably have killed myself.
With all that being said I am ready to move forward and start to recover slowly but surely I plan to get better. He plans to be at my side and make sure the meds are taken every day and night.
Appointment is tomorrow I'm a little nervous. Next week I have therapy for the first time in months and I'm ready to open up about the last few months. Wish me luck one and all.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Thanks in advance for any and all responses good bad or indifferent. Peace and love to you all.

Shanese x