1. Jackpots

The people who think they won't catch COVID-19 are the same people who think they will hit all 6 numbers in Powerball. They are also the same people who are sure that the vaccine will probably kill them, and make their children autistic.

2. Law and Order

What would happen to the rule of law, if judges and juries could lose their jobs for convicting a criminal?

3. The House GOP

Republicans in the House of Representatives are changing the party platform, from that of law makers to that of law breakers. They act as if laws don't matter, unless your own party is in power.

4 #45

They called Ronald Reagan "The Great Communicator" because "Bullshitter" isn't a word used in polite society. We can call #45 "The Master Projectionist" because he throws terrifying shadows on the wall, and accuses everyone else of his own crimes.

5. The New Iron Maiden

The desire to own a gun is no less a symptom of mental illness, than is a desire to own any other implement of torture, such as an iron maiden or thumbscrews, for example.

Gun powder fumes must cause brain damage. There is no other rational explanation for gun lust.

6. The Road to Success

The road to success is paved with failures that taught a lesson.

7. Not a Fan

Trump's huge numbers of fake followers on Twitter and Facebook should have, somewhere along the line, given some clue to the real ones, that they weren't supporting an honest man.

8. Systemic Racism in the USA

The BLM protests against racially-motivated police brutality. The GOP made it about flags, and nationalism. That's how racism works.

Racism is so baked into the fabric of American society that Conservatives presume criticism of racism is the same as disrespecting the whole country.

9. Keeping Peace in the House

Looking around at the disorder we tolerate, I wanted to say "It's lucky that we are both such shit housekeepers," but luckily realized in the nick of time, that the right adjective was "unconventional."

10. Honestly Speaking

I love to wallow in isolation and obscurity; I turned out to be allergic to money and sex.

11. Miracle of the Screws and the Toy

I wondered if I had experienced a miracle the other day. In the course of planning a repair to the fence, I decided that, in order to make the repair, I needed to get a metal plate and some screws. While cleaning up the yard the next day, I spotted some trash near the dumpster, and went to pick it up. The first piece I noticed was strange black rubber object, which I was astonished to identify as a butt plug, that I decided not to touch without a glove. Looking further, I saw a piece of fairly clean cloth, that I could use to pick up the sex toy. While picking up the cloth, I saw a bunch of practically new screws half-buried in the dirt beneath it. After disposing of the rubbish, I collected the screws, and realized they would be perfect for fixing the fence. I wondered if this could be one of those miracles of which life is supposed to be so full . I rejected the idea when it became evident that there was no metal plate around.

12. Covid-19

If 30,000 people would stop selfishly dying from covid-19 every month, we could all get back to our former happy lives. I’m sure we will get there eventually, even if everyone does nothing. After all, we survived the Black Plagues without a vaccine, right?

13. Wi-fi Witchcraft

Every morning when I wake up, my home wi-fi runs extremely slowly. When I scan for interfering signals, I find that all 15 or so wi-fi routers in the neighborhood, including mine, are dancing around on channels 1, 6, and 11. Less than 50% of the bandwidth is free. So, I proceed to set my router to channel 3, 5, 8, or 9, and the wi-fi speeds up, with available bandwidth at 75% or higher. I suspect that they have formed a coven.

14. Year Zero

I would like to start the calendar over with 2020 being the year 0. Year 1 is the first year with TFG out of office.

15. Asthma

If there is an upside to having asthma, it's being able to fake an attack instead of laughing when someone says something stupid.