yeah I have been on the receiving end of a couple of.....you didn't really do anything why are you so tired pppffftttt its frustrating but you have to take care of you ...don't worry about what they think just pace yourself ...one thing that helps me is a found some small ginger candies (from World Market)--made with real ginger...they help my tummy tons!!!!

Do your family members share with you when they are having a bad day or not feeling well? Do they hide their feelings from you?

I hate to tell you but they never will and it's been my experience that it gets worse with time because most people cannot understand a sickness that doesn't last more than a week or two. I never let my family see me grimace or cry from the pain. I always tried to be strong and slap that silly smile on my face. If I had to do it over again I would have told them more about how I'm feeling and that I need some help around the house, groceries etc. I think it would have made by boys have a little more empathy and maybe my husband would have learned to help me more so keep telling them, maybe it'll stick some day. Same with friends, I always felt they didn't want to hear it so I just lost contact with a lot of them as it was too much for me to see them and pretend I was okay, it was easier just to let them go. Don't make my mistake if you can help it.

Ditto to suera.. I just answer to friends "I'm fine" because they don't understand unfortunately or "weren't you sick last month?"

So sorry xoxo MLC.

OMG!!! Did I ever need to hear this today!!!! I was feeling like this was only my imagination, you know, being paranoid. Don't think it is EVER going to be possible to have someone without RA understand what this is about, especially & including your closest family & friends.
Hang in there!!!!!!!

I agree with all you. Last week, my mother told me that RA only lasts 2-3 years, and then it will run its course. I asked her if MS and diabeties works the same way. She pointed out that my dads mother was not in any pain with her RA - I am guessing my grandmother learned to keep that to herself. Then, I asked what her legs, feet, hands were like, knowing the answer to that one. My mother admitted that they were really bowed and bent. Then I asked if that is the direction she wanted for me. My mother is a retired RN.

I am new here, but I have found this site helps with encouragement and that goes a long way. I am lucky in that my husband seems to understand. He is more than willing to help when I can't do something but he also encourages me to try. I do not hide how I feel from him but I do to the rest of family and friends. They don't seem to understand why I can't take a pill and go back to work. Even if I get the pain somewhat controlled I am sooo tired I just want to go to bed. Take care and hang in there.

My parents and daughter don't understand.... not do my friend really... but i expect my husband to understand that i have limitations and bad days. Thank God he does. But my mom says i don't have RA.... My brother says i don't have real RA and my daughter says she is such of hearing about it. But i live with hubby and i tell him honestly when I'm having a bad day. I try not to whine...but i do be honest with him.

People are so weird. I'm at work, and just a bit ago a couple was in, probably in their 50's. The wife has obviously been quite ill, and is on oxygen. Her sweet husband was right next to her, carrying her portable oxygen rig while she shopped for what she wanted. Last night some friends were talking about an 80-year-old woman with RA whose husband always "let" her load her own damn walker into the car. I don't know if there is any way to help relatives be more like the man with the oxygen.

I needed to hear this too. You can't really change anyone, but you can unashamedly ask for help when you need it. This has been very hard for me because I've always really valued my independence and also hate it when someone gets annoyed when I need help (really nothing will put me in tears like that will). To my friends and relatives who don't really want to know, I mostly just say I am fine. My grandmother always genuinely wants to know how I am, so it is really nice to have her in my life.

Boy or boy, do I understand where you are coming from. Thursday I had a procedure done where the doctor shot steroids into my spine to help with the arthritis and a protruding disc. The next day my mother expected me to make dinner. I am always happy to help when we are in town. My parents are in their late 80s so I don't mind a bit. But the meal that mother wanted takes 2 hours of standing time to prepare. The next day she felt bad for asking. I made the meal, but then I slept for 13 hours. Most people never learn. My 6 year old granddaughter understands the best. She spends the most time with me, and is always offering me advise on how to do things easier. Ya gotta love the wee ones.

Ok. You're all making me cry today.
I am new to this (february). I am already getting so tired of repeatedly explaining. No one gets it. My husband is doing everything to help but still seems surprised when I look like I'm in pain. My co-workers don't believe me when I call in sick. I really wish I could find a face-to-face support group.

"no one benefits from secrecy..."
but what happens when we are too exhausting to watch struggle. I think if everyone knew how much discomfort I had every day, I'd end up with no friends. I don't even want to be around myself some days. It would be very easy to drive everyone else away.

Dr SLPT, I know what you mean about co-workers I already have some asking me, "Are you going on disability?" Heck I am just trying to get thru the day one at a time and figure out how to get my morning coffee without spilling it everywhere. lol

In terms of "sharing" our RA daily symptoms etc...my motto is
"damned if you do and damned if you don't"