the disease keeps coming until (and if) your Doc finds the medical combo that's good for you.Which DR's to listen too? The ones that have an effect that's positive on your condition. If none do then find more. For today and this pain and fear I suggest cutting out night shades from your diet (google, don't forget paprika) and that'll have a positive lessening of symptoms (pain, swelling, BREATHING) after you've shed it from your diet after three days. For the crying today, the anxiety, worry, hopelessness, get yourself some Frankincense. Really, the stuff from the Bible (three wise men bearing gifts etc). I kid you not, put a drop on your finger and at the very base of your skull on your neck rub it on pretty vigorously. You will not experience a "high" of any kind yet it will level off your mood. Yes, I thought it was crazy too but it works. Might only be psychological but it does.

Crying doesn't help. I wish it did, I'd do it as well but it does not. You be good to you even if your body is not good to you today, you be good to you. Simultaneously start things to help your body be better to itself....and have some patience. Wishing you well!

Sometimes there seems like there is just no end .... We have all been in your place -

As you work your way pasted this and council with your doctors, things will clear and you will start to feel the determination of getting through the day and on with your life.

I am holding you up while you get through the day.

Be strong
Bluedogs2

Sorry it has been tough for u. Listen to the doctor that will listen to you. You can venture forward together with your treatment. I believe crying does help...well maybe not crying 24/7. But crying cleanses the soul and also helps relieve tension and stress. We cry for ourselves and others. We cry for the things we can no longer do and wish for our healthier self. I say cry...a certain amount is healthy.
I wish for my old self back. Heck today anything that involved using my hands and fingers was a hell of a struggle. ..i am a nurse and when doesn't a nurse use her hands and fingers. ...but i wont let this damn disease rob me of my career. ...not just yet. Hang in there...there are better days ahead

What keeps me from falling apart is knowing that we ALL have issues. Ours is a physical issue...and you will find relief in the treatment. Even the treatment decisions will drive you batty, but remember that others have far worse problems.

We are lucky in that we are in first world countries. Our problems can be treated. This is NOT a death sentence. It's an ADJUSTMENT sentence, but it's CHRONIC. You are going to live with this...it feels like it owns you at times but in fact, it's just a small facet of who you are.

You have not been given a fatal cancer diagnosis.
It's not a heart attack that you will die from shortly.
It's not a car wreck that takes the life of someone you love or your own life.

You can't get through this without perspective. It stinks that you have this. It stinks that I have this...but here we are...reaching out to help and receive help. We are dealing with it as we gain perspective.
The best I can offer is to keep going, gain your perspective, be grateful there are treatment options, pray for peace, patience, and grit to handle it.
KEEP ON KEEPING ON.

hey Pitt

i noticed the work reference. get it.

I figure you are working full time and just pooped from that. besides hiding it at work where I never wanted to shoot the shit or spill the entire beans, understandably, on super flare day when you have no sick days is different from being at home full time where you can manage your own down time. i used to use the handicap bathroom a LOT and do the countdown until quitting time when i could nap on the floor of my office a bit with the door lock and the shades down until i would try to drive.

when I felt like shit, it was magnified 100 times over at work. i think the reason was i felt the greatest loss of control, there.

try to reign in the rumination at work. deliberately off focus the disease thoughts and try to create a "work sterile mind" environment. I know sounds stupid. but give yourself a mental license holiday to even remember you have this disease (I know stupid if you are sitting there with no shoes on under the desk).

maybe you are the sole support of a mortgage or rent at home, or you you are on dmards and thinking of getting pregnant and have to come off them or any such thing.

the disease causes special challenges at every intersection of life.

What I can imagine is at the precipice of your life's travels, work, family and education (you are age 31?) you probably have a great deal on your mind.

hopefully the 20 and 30 age set will ring in here also with their perspective.

hang in there. and remember for every absolute worse day you have at work there may be a more controllable one the next week. I feel like super shit today but my infusion is this friday. keep a silver lining like that for yourself, OK?

are you doing a lot of healing outside of work?

hugs

Depot

Thanks all for your responses. It helps me a lot just to know others can relate to my feelings bout the whole thing. I know I will get stronger. I am at a crossroads. I am 31, have one baby who will be 4 in a couple weeks. I was pregnant in march, but miscarried. Then developed RA over the summer. I am sad that my little one does not have a brother or sister and I had my heart set on another baby. Now I am worried about if I will be able to continue to care for the little guy I have. I have tried Plaquenil and got super sick from it, but I was also on predisone at the time. Rheumy wanted me to start Methotrexate, but I held telling him I want to have a baby in the near future. In the search for treatment I came across the whole antibiotic thing and found a dr. out of my state who said I have lyme disease, not RA, and if I do not get treated, I should not get pregnant because I would hurt my baby. He said he could cure me 6 to 9 months. So I have been on doxycycline for a few months and I know it helps, but I think that it is pretty obvious I have early RA and not chronic lyme. So then I went to see a new rheumy (with UPMC), knowing the last guy made me angry with his dismissive attitude and scared me at the same time. New rheumy wants me to give Plaquenil another shot. My husband doesn't get it because I look ok. I am not swelling, but I am sick of always being in pain. My husband wants me to finish what I started with the Lyme Doctor. But I just feel that although he has helped me, I need more. But at the same time, why start plaquenil, which takes three months to work, if I want to get pregnant soon. I do not want to give up and not have another baby if I am going to be somewhat ok living with this disease, but I am scared that if I do, postpartum, I will be much worse than I am now. Then what happens to the little boy I already have. Too much to think about.

First I want to say you know your body best.
No one but you resides in it day after day.
As tough as it can be at times with all the stress & exhaustion be your own advocate.
Nothing wrong with a third opinion if you feel it's needed.

Sally has a point. Perhaps worth inquiring about. Knowing your options can't hurt.

Interesting about frankincense think I'll keep that in mind. I do believe oils help.

Now if the mood strikes you cry all you want. Better to get it
All out. Theres enough craziness with the ups & downs of this disease.
Throw your personal life in the mix with family, doctors & husband not on the same page.., well heck who wouldn't have a mini melt down.
I sure have mine & often for the same reason. Frustration, worry about the future & so on...
Well not much we can do about the future.
As difficult as it can be not to worry, grieve whom we once were & fear the unknown it simply won't get us anywhere. Yet we tend to have those days we simply can't help it. As we are human.
Love & support are the most important things you can give any child. You have those in abundance.
My sister had RA in her late teens early 20s. That is when she was diagnosised. Now she's hitting 69. Four kids later. Some how she managed & worked on & off. Meds were not around that we have today & her health suffered later for it but she raised her family & in part on her own. I'm not sure that helps but some how managed. Sure she had our family but it was more her. I don't know if pregnancy some how helped or she simply found the strength but she did it.
Her kids knew as she did not have a mild form but they rallied around her, understood & if anything perhaps a wee bit protective.

Understanding helps so very much. I don't get a lot of that either from the home base. It adds fuel to that emotional fire.
I truly hope you get the treatment & understanding you deserve.

In the mean time cry all you want. Some times it's all we can do to hold it together.
Hard as it can be some days keep the faith that better days are a head.
Hugs
Sammy

You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for! Cry all you want. You are human, and having all kinds of emotions is what sets us apart.
I have those days of course, but as mentioned previously, so many people have it worse. My best friend has stage IV liver cancer- a death sentence. She has 4 boys to raise. When I think of her, I've got it made. Not being able to open a soda can doesn't seem that bad. .
I wish you all a low pain day. Juls

Hang in there, it is a tough road at first, but once the medications that work the best kick in you can get your life back. I am thankful to keep working full time with no medical issues. The main thing is that I will never run, ( I ran 3 miles a day but never very fast) and be as active as I once was, but I do what I can, yoga, walking, stretching etc. Movement is so important. My goal is to lose 15lbs this year which I think will help.
For anyone with RA mainly in the hips this is a great stretching video:
Deep Stretch/ Yin Yoga with Mimi Solaire
I guess I went into a rant myself... It is hard when you look fine but you have RA.
Ps. I am on methotrexate 5/week plaquinil and sulindac. The Folic acid I take once a week really helps with the Methatrexate. I am 52 years old and got RA 4 years ago.

Happy New Year everyone

Thank you all for your replies. I am feeling better today, although still weeping. your responses are true, I will LIVE with this illness and grateful that I can. I may not be able to teach my son the jump shot or boxing, but I can teach him to pray, which is the greatest thing I can do.

Jteach - Cancer is beyond a terrible thing and I am so sorry to hear about your friends condition and that is one of those things that does put this into perspective. We may suffer, but we get to live.

Waiting til next week and going to try the Plaquenil again. Don't want to Barf the new year in.

The year I got RA is almost over, on a positive note. Goodbye 2014. Wishing you all a blessed 2015.

hey pittRAlady,

All I have is my own experience with Lyme, I was diagnosed with Ra the last decade. 6 doctors 2 rheumy's were convinced I had RA. My current doctor was treating me with antibiotics for RA 30 months. Last summer (2014) he thought I had lyme and asked me to take treatment for lyme and I started getting better. It has been more than 6 months and I am still getting better Lyme is curable keep searching!! Lyme often simulates other diseases, and is hard to test for. I have not tested positive for lyme but I cannot deny the results. My rheumy's were very convincing and confident that I had RA., but I was very afraid of methatrxate and remicade which they both recomended. I hope and pray you find a great doctor soon. I found mine on roadback.org also found a very good book on lyme by Connie Strasheim called Insights into Lyme Disease Treatment. God Bless all of you.

Glad you're feeling better. I haven't been an advocate of thinking how others may have something worse, it's ours and our families lives
We are responsible for and that are being effected. In my experience it is often a platitude used by others to minimize the situation. Let yourself feel lousy and cry for a while, I've found it helps me move through and onto the next step. You do have a lot to consider and decisions to make, it does get overwhelming at times. Best to you in finding the right treatment.