Sorry to hear this Leslie. I so understand you. My ex and I started off well back when i was diagnosed. He soon got tired of me. I wasn't as hypochondriac as I was just watching what I was eating. RA is so much about emotional stress. My condition got worse when he left me, then much better. And it is so sad that he never understood what it is like to go through pain, try out medicine, flare-up issues, etc.
He was healthy and simply couldn't see that there was a lot in me than this disease.

Hi Leslie. You may, or may not, decide to leave the boyfriend. No one here can help you with that decision. But, I suspect many of us who understand this disease would recommend that you change the language you're using as you think about it. You're not holding him back from anything, unless it's the freedom to be an unsympathetic butthead. (And please understand I mean that as a gesture of support to you, and not really a criticism of him; i'm sure he has many good qualities.) But honey, you are 51, working full time, and managing a weird disease that doesn't even have the decency to have any obvious markers that other people can understand.

You are worth, and you deserve to have, people in your life who are supportive. You'll need to weigh the pros and cons of this guy on your own. Maybe he'll be able to learn, maybe not. But please don't devalue yourself by thinking of yourself as something or someone that's holding him back.

Hugs.

You are not alone. I think the loneliness and only-ness is a major reason I am thankful that this forum exists. Hang in there because RA is a long continuous story - no one understands it, even after many years experience. I don' t understand it yet either.

You need some me time. 51 is the right age for some me time. Get you some me time from now on because you can't put it off any longer. You need time for reflection and healing and rest.

Blessings to you

congratulations on working full time and having launched your two grown children and the joy of grand kids! I have empathy. I think having a 42 year old boyfriend when you have raised your two and launched them and have grandchildren sounds like plenty before even having Rheumatoid. If you did not have RA would he still be clocking out emotionally?

I guess what I am saying is that when you are a single mom and you have launched two and have them around some and perhaps the three granchildren an you work full time and manage the house and stuff there is no time left period before the RA. When you add the RA it becomes a ***t show. I did not fare well with a relationship, single motherhood and the ponderosa, and the work commute and the disease. I felt like I was superwoman in the tin man's body with a frazzled mind. If the partner does not understand that all your spoons are gone gone gone when you pull out of the parking lot at work then he is just contributing to your work load.

what linzsey said is correct - there are so FEW minutes left after full time work and seeing kids when you have this disease. I think the prescription for me time would work best for you. I hope you can go get some.

You are not alone.

depotblue

Yes. I understand feeling alone. Even after ten years... there are times my friends just DO NOT GET IT!!! OMG... how many times do I have to say that "this activity" or that activity is just TOO MUCH for me. I feel like I have to hit them in the head with a brick or something.
In that way I feel very alone. My friends do not have autoimmune disease ... my hubby does try to understand. He at least doesn't question me. My mom no longer questions me. Which I am very glad... but it took a while for them to stop questioning my limits. There are some ppl I just do not care if they get it or not. I stopped trying to explain it a long time ago.
Yes. you are not alone here. I am feeling very much the same frustration today.
Thx for listening to me too. Ginger

Thank you for all of the replies. Yes Ginger, it is frustrating, people literally think i am making this all up because i look fine on the outside and they for sure don't understand when i can't keep up. i have to say yes i do have RA and yes i have had the blood test and i have RA in my blood. They still don't get it and i try hard not to miss anything but then i crash. So, it is a constant cycle of overdoing and then crashing then getting back up to overdo again and crash again. Also, one day a week is a crasher anyway because the methotrexate makes me feel so bad. Yes, i feel alone and frustrated.

I understand what you say. I am 63, working a full-time job and teaching part-time. Recently, I have had to put my mother in a nursing home. That created so much stress!
The stress exacerbated the RA and I also have Scleroderma. Wound up in the hospital with heart and lung issues. There is always the relentless pain.
Now I am on oxygen. Nothing like dragging oxygen tanks around work.
Our stories are much the same. Even our doctors act as though we exaggerate our pain and difficulties.

I have at least ONE CRASH day a week... where I just bottom out... that's bc I just push myself to the limit all the time. Sometimes that limit isn't very far....
I do not know how ppl work with this disease.
Kudos to you Nerot for still working.

hugs n peace
ginger