I'm sorry to hear that RA has knocked your husband down. I am the one with RA, but my poor husband has been through the gamut with me!

My first thought, is he immediately needs to see a rheumatologist and ask to be put on a biologic. And don't take no for an answer, because his sed rate is low or zero, and therefore he does not have "severe" case of RA. Your description says he is severe. And if it is his hands and feet that are the worst, that confirms a sero-negative RA. I have that - no numbers for 4 years, and then very low. I was not treated properly. And 6 months should be enough time for him to see that mthx and prednisone are not enough.

If he gets on a biologic that works, it will make a tremendous difference to both of you. I've been bedridden with this disease, and active, riding my bike 30 km a day, I went back and got a Master's degree when my meds were working. My condition is totally about the drugs - not diet, or stress or any other factor.

As for you, men hate to admit their sick. Well, most men, ok, my husband! Sounds like yours is in denial, too! And he doesn't want to be a burden to you, either. Because you are already the only one working, taking care of the kids, housework, meals yadayada. So maybe he thinks going without help doing up his shirt is helping you? So let him do the things he does. Because, eventually he is going to realize he does need help. I never asked for help the first bad 7 years. My husband really had no idea how I was suffering. When I went to get my foot reconstructed, about 11 years into RA, he went with me, because I asked. He didn't realize how badly the RA had deformed me. He was a wonderful help. He dressed me and brought me breakfast in bed before going to work at 6 am. He did everything. I had never asked before! And he is simply not a mind reader.

So now, 18 years into this disease, he is a wonderful caregiver if I need it. He watched me fail totally last year, and was carrying me to the wheelchair, pushing it to the bathroom. Taking me off the wheelchair, putting me back on after and then back to bed, and then putting me in bed. And not a complaint!

So give him the space to grieve and work this out a bit. And grieve yourself for all the things that you planned that won't happen - cruises and trips to Europe that may be too hard for him. And love him, because he really needs it right now.

Take care of yourself. See if you can get respite, or maybe a family friend to come in now and again, so you can just get out, and shop or cry or walk in the park.

And do get him back to his rheumatologist. Demand a biologic because he can't function. Remember, these docs tend to think of treatment in months or years, because it is a life time disease. You can gently remind them that it is also a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute disease. I hope you find your way and can support him without losing it, but also taking care of your own needs.

This sounds so familiar. I was hit with a severe case of RA ~6 years ago - officially diagnosed 4 years ago at age 54.

I went through the same thing - my wife having to help me dress, couldn't open a bag of potato chips, and on and on. My wife was and still is my shining light through all this. Over the years she now automatically does things like opens a new milk jug before I even get to it and many other things. Your husband needs your help and am glad to hear you are there.

Yes, it is humiliating. I had to stop working 4 years ago - between that and having to have help with everything is certainly humiliating - I still have a hard time getting used to this "new" life. It gets better with time. Along with the Methotrexate and Prednisone for 5 years now, I have been on Humira for 3 years and it has helped a lot. I would say that I am now 50% of my old self which is a heck of a lot better than I was at the beginning.

This is a lifelong disease so get used to it - yes it does turn both your lives upside down. It took me a very long time to admit it but I know now that this is as good as it gets. You just have to accept that and do the best you can each day. It's not fair but it is what it is.

coaltrain speaks the truth. humira helped me tremendously when coupled with MTX, neither one alone does the job worth a flip for me. word of caution about MTX if they switch from pills to liquid.....side effects are much less with the liquid BUT your body uses most all of the medicine (poison in my opinion) where some/much (?) of the tablets passes on through the digestive system and out of the body. this resulted in me catching everything, EVERYTHING because my immune system had quickly become very depressed. so, to give the antibiotics room to work properly I'm now into the third week of no meds, hands and feet swollen+painful+not working, wrists and elbows and back and shoulders and knees and ankles are not far behind (I can feel it). Another ten days to go before I can restart the humira and mtx. It is humiliating for your husband and for you but as coal just said, "It's not fair but it is what it is". Y'all have to deal with it, you can deal with it and you will deal with it.

Hi Cory, Just a quick note. 6 years ago my wife had breast cancer, fortunately today all is well. But when she was going through chemo and radiation, I did everything at home plus work. Yes, it was overwhelming and I always wish I had someone to talk too. I live in the sticks in NC and not a lot of people, especially care givers to talk with. Yes, a lot offered sympathy, but little else. Well, I prayed that I would take her disease on for her to get healthy, well, here I am 6 years later, taking methotrexate and humira. Nice irony. Before I started my meds, I thought I just had OA, having never heard of RA. Well, it got to the point where I could not button my pants, put my socks on, hold a bar of soap, etc. You understand. I went to my family doctor and she sent me to rheumatoid doctor immediately. I am sero-negative, but the doctor started me on mtx right away. My wife has been there by my side for all, even this week when I did not want to give my injection of humira. Thankfully, I have not missed work because of RA, but I am doing less and my wife has now picked up the slack. I think you need to stick with it and as every one has said, try and get him on some bios. I think you are allowed to be upset at times, but these are the times you need to talk to others. I know I was with my wife and I know my wife is with me, but we work together and work around my/our problems. I hope and pray your husband gets his meds straight and things calm down where he can start living again. Give a yell, if you need to chat.
Joe

I wanted to thank the kind words and shared knowledge . We're obviously new to the group and really just searching for answers . Blessings...