Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group

Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...

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RCross 03/23/2013

I thought I was so strong. I've heard for months that "you have rheumatoid arthritis" then on Tuesday the rheumy confirmed it. The rheumy also stated that I might also have another autoimmune arthritis. I left there actually feeling relieved. I've always believed that a dx is just words, just a path of treatment...and I still believe that. So having that "path of treatment", finally, was a relief. However, last night I lost it...I let my son's attitude get to me. He was upset, mad about who knows what, but started complaining that I hadn't put the groceries up. Of course I put up the cold/freezer stuff. Grocery shopping takes it out of me...so I tend to rest for a while, or even wait until the next day before putting everything else away. It really just all depends on my pain, etc.

Anyway, he was complaining and it got to me. Made me feel like a horrible mom! I ended up scrubbing my kitchen, including the cabinets, while crying. I cried for two hours. My other son (they're twins in college) came in this weekend to help me with stuff - yard work, etc. as he wanted to earn some extra money. Now, they're fighting...and they never fight! I know the prednisone burst I'm on is probably adding to my emotional state...I really dislike steroids!

I feel like my pain and the fact that I choose to put my health (for now) first is really driving a wedge between and twin A. He really doesn't understand and I really don't know how to get him to. Help. Part of me thinks he's worried and just isn't asking questions and part of me thinks he just doesn't care. Either way I'm at a loss.

Christine26 03/23/2013

It's tough I know when you are in pain and needing a little help and family or children do not understand. I experience this a lot of the time. I have two boys who are close (good friends), but when I ask one to help that one will ask why I did not ask the other one to help. Sometimes depending on what it is I just do it myself or leave it alone. The problem is before RA, I would do it all. I have had RA for the past 10 years and it has progressively gotten worse and I am tired more often. I explain to them that this is the problem but sometimes I don't think they get it.

RCross 03/23/2013

Christine....I too have always done everything, cook, clean, laundry, etc. and now I have to make choices. Twin A (the one that was complaining) lives at home while going to college since it's local and I think it's effecting him the most. I'm hoping he'll realize soon that what I do or don't do comes from necessity. Thanks for sharing you experiences and helping others the way you do! I'd be lost without this forum.

Sally....I'm trying to not be hard on myself, but it's hard! I'm always the positive one, the first one to help out with things, etc., but the last several months have really really impacted me. You're right, my family is very loving and I'm sure this is just a little bump in the road. Thank you for the link...I'm going to read it now!

deleted_user 03/23/2013

I wasn't really sure what everyone was talking about when they said ...meltdown and its common with RA, until a few days ago actually it started Monday with a bad day at work that ended with my SO not speaking to me over something stupid, three days later he was still not speaking to me and I just lost it (completely totally absolutely) I had a full blow panic attack and I packed my belongings and left, yesterday I was mystified as to why I had reacted so strongly when previously I would have just handled it...after getting some rest and doing some thinking I now realize that we were having problems that were not being dealt with and that just opened me up to a panic attack, I will have to really work on making sure I don't let things get that far anymore...thanks for listening and thanks for sharing your stories, it helps give me perspective....

RCross 03/23/2013

Hugs to you Mttazzie!! This disease is truly a systemic one covering both our physical health and our mental health. Then you throw in all the meds and it compounds things. I'm so sorry things are rocky for you right now! I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts and prayers - if that's okay.

We need a big ole fashioned group hug! haha

deleted_user 03/23/2013

that would be wonderful...hugs are always good :D

bluedogs2 03/23/2013

I have read all the above and am at a loss as to what to say as to encouragement ... This I do know ... a young man feels that he must protect his mother come what may. This stuff we deal with is, well, we know, but he doesn't. Perhaps in his mind, he feels helpless and is lashing back. I don't know and I'm so sorry for not being able to offer more than this. HUGS and SUNSHINE to you all.

RCross 03/23/2013

Bluedog...Thank you! I do know that he cares and I'm sure he's just as confused as the rest of us with the disease. He's watched me go from very active to barely moving some days.

I've decided to have a family dinner tomorrow afternoon (Twin B has to drive back to school) where I'm going try to discuss this beast called RA. I can't expect them to help me if I don't tell them what I need. They can't read my mind any better than I can read theirs. Hopefully they will be open to hearing what I have to say...instead of changing the subject as usual.

deleted_user 03/23/2013

Oh yes I had a melt down at work about a month ago! Thank goodness is was with 2 or 3 understanding friends. The prednisone does make me emotional!

deleted_user 03/23/2013

First of all, try not to take on his anger and frustration. It is his to bear and he needs to process your disease and mourn, just as you need to process and mourn.
It is hard to not feel guilty for not being able to keep all of the balls we once juggled in the air, but we have to accept our new normal. Doesn't mean we have to like it, but we cannot punish ourselves by trying to do EVERYTHING and then paying for that for days afterwards.

What you can do is open up a dialogue with your sons. Explain to them what you have learned and what your fears and frustrations are.
They are old enough to know that you are scared and with time will be able to express their fears and frustrations. Eventually, it will bring you all closer together.
gentle hugs

Here are a couple books that have helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0861716264?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=0861716264&linkCode=xm2&tag=keitsikeitri-20
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000GG4ZHW?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B000GG4ZHW&linkCode=xm2&tag=keitsikeitri-20

deleted_user 03/23/2013

I have had both reactions here too. My husband is very supportive. My daughter has been horrible. She was diagnosed with RA 2 1/2rs ago but has had no flares thankfully. I asked her and my husband to read some of the discussions here so they no I am not alone AND they aren't alone. Not sure if it will help twin A but it might. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.

salsmypal 03/24/2013

I agree with everything the others have said: you are all dealing with new territory here. That being said, I also have two in college that both live at home. At this stage of their young adult lives, I feel they really need to step up and take over some of the things that I've always done for them -- laundry, dishes, etc. Neither of mine are the type to leap into that kind of thing on their own.. so I have to insist, but it feels like there's some progress being made.

Also, here's a link to a video about the diagnosis of RA on Dr. Oz's website. This is what I showed my husband, and I think it helped him understand what we're dealing with.

http://www.sharecare.com/question/what-is-rheumatoid-arthritis

One foot in front of the other, and I hope everyone has a good Sunday with limited stiffness and pain!
Julie

trishcorsi 03/24/2013

I do know the feeling of relief upon diagnosis. You're not crazy! Whew! Now the rest of the story; you will have to call a family meeting and YOU be in charge of it. Your boys are old enough to talk to if they are in college. Give them the straight facts familiarize them with the disease and the side effects of it and the medications. Steroids will make you more susceptible to mood swings and they will just have to deal with it-they are young men. You need help and understanding and you have every right to insist upon it. You put in your time with them and now its payback time. Simple. Take care of yourself and don't let their guilt trips ruin your day. Please be kind to yourself. Trish

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