Hey SusieG,

Sometimes ya just gotta vent! It's normal/natural. Especially with RA! Regardless of how well or poorly off you are once you've experienced going from being PRE RA to having RA it's a completely different world.

And yes it's also normal to compare yourself & feel a little weird or guilty about expressing your pain/experience compared to those who are in an extraordinary amount of pain & discomfort. But like another had posted, "Enjoy your mild/moderate level NOW because with lady RA you never know if or when it will become severe"! Or on a positive note it could change for the better & completely go into remission.

So my advice which I try to follow as much as I can.......ENJOY NOW because that's all there is! Yesterday is gone we can't get it back & tomorrow hasn't happened & isn't promised !!!

Give yourself a break. If you don't want to get a housekeeper to come periodically, then, going forward, forget baths. Just take showers and spray some antibacterial cleaner in the tub as needed....and don't worry about wiping down. Just let it set. You'll feel better soon and you can wipe down then.

Who among us has NOT had a bawling session? I think they're very cathartic.

I can remember before my treatment took effect that I was trying desperately to wash my hair in the shower and I just couldn't get my arms and hands to work. They were sooooo heavy. My shoulders were killing me, too. It was so friggin' hard. That was 20+ years ago and I remember that like it was yesterday. Right around that time I decided that washing my hair daily was for the birds.

Funny thing about RA......you tend to become an excellent time manager and become very resourceful about getting things done.

Susie - tomorrow will be better.

Oh Linszey- you hit the nail on the head! Plus the reason I was cleaning tub in the 1st place was because I offered showers to a neighbor whose well has dried up!

It helps, too, to remember that life before RA also occasionally really sucked, for assorted reasons. We all had moments of feeling overwhelmed by life's various little suckitudes before we had RA. I've noticed that some people who get a diagnosis of a Scary Thing often look back at their pre-diagnosis life with rose colored glasses, and that does them a disservice, because then all future Suck gets blamed on the Scary Thing, and that makes it seem all the more life-changing. Does that make sense? The sprained wrist and the necessity of bathroom-cleaning chores are things that, by themselves, would be stressful. And someone facing those two things without RA would probably want to vent too. RA is just sometimes the icing on the Suck Cake. So as you vent - which you are perfectly entitled to do - do so with perspective, lest the RA becomes a more powerful nemesis in your mind. (Re-reading this to proofread spelling etc, I realize I need to make two more points: first, I think life is a good thing, not a Suck Cake, as a general rule, and second, the point I'm trying to make here is perfectly clear in my mind but I recognize that it's probably not coming across as clearly as I'd like. Maybe someone can improve on it.)

what did you take your methotrexate brain fog pill today Katie? (I am only kidding and somehow I think you can take it...)

yeah i also notice that folks do not take their co-morbidities into contiguous affect sometimes (pre ra fitness level, blood pressure, smoking, sugar, bmi, dietary choices, mental health conditions) and also do not notice that say ageing, birthing, chasing toddlers, smoking, being a sandwich female (caretaking babies and elders) or what not consists of challenges in and of themselves whether or not they exacerbate RA or not - in other words we can blame a lot on RA but not ageing, birthing, or co-morbidities that existed before RA (excepting our juvenile ra-ers on here)

depot

Co-morbidities. What a great term, I hadn't heard that before. I'm on my way to my family doctor to find out results of some non-RA-related tests regarding some hip pain, and to talk about how to approach it. I really want to rock this getting older thing, and lately I haven't been doing as well at it as I believe I could. RA gets a part of the blame, but the co-morbidities are a much bigger part. And it's those that I may be able to influence more.

And I sure am in a brain fog today! There are so many thing that I should do that I'm standing in a deep pile of should trying to prioritize.

When I first got RA, and was not properly medicated, my cousin, who also has RA made me use her housekeeper. She only charged $50 for 2 hours, and the house was spotless. She quit 5 years into RA, and I could not find anyone for under $125 to do my house. Plus, by then I was on better meds, and hubby said he would help with the housework.

Well, hubby never helped, but I was able to keep the house pretty clean. My sons would bring their girlfriends (later wives!) home with them in the summer, and they pitched in, so that also helped.

But when the meds failed, esp. the last two years, hubby's promises never materialized. The main hardwood floors were not washed in 2 years. I hate dirty floors, and vacuuming was not enough, esp. with 4 pre-school grandchildren coming and going to say nothing about hand prints on the patio door and my glass coffee table.

So my DIL found a local company that was really good, and I have them coming in every 2 weeks for $90 for 2 people for 2 hours. They do excellent work, getting at things that have never been touched since we moved in.

The way I got hubby to break down, was I was trying to wash our shower stall. We have incredibly hard water here, with lots of iron, and it turns things red. So he said he would do it, and he was wrecked (of course, it had been months since it had been washed.). So when he was at the end of cleaning, I suggested we get a housekeeper.

Yes, he was at his weakest, and I pounced! I will never regret that. I have to pay them, but it is so worth it, to have a house that is clean again.

That is just one thing, of course. I'm so far from pre-RA I can hardly remember. Something about having 4 children, and them all taking 3 jobs every Saturday (along with my husband and myself) and the house being cleaned to spotless in short order. And them alternating with the dishes and doing their own laundry. A good thing, in light of the fact that their wives all work full time - some longer hours than my sons.

To give you some hope, I did get well enough to do my own housework for 5 years, and also got in incredible shape riding my bicycle and lifting weights, stretches, etc. I started and finished a Master's degree, although I did go through some med failures the last 3 years.

So yes, get help, RA can be an unforgiving disease. But no! It doesn't have to always be that way. I hope you can experience 100% remission one day. The thing I have been looking for is more like 70% remission these days but I do complain when I am having bad flares like today! It really never ends!

Here is a suggestion. Take a piece of paper and write the word "should" on it. Take another piece and write guilt. Put both pieces in an ashtray or outide and BUzrN them!

Now take another piece of paper and write: im perfect just the way i am. I love myself and deserve to take good care of myself@

The best gift i ever gave myself was hiring a cleaning service!

Self care is NOT selfish! We neednt be myrtyrs. It serves no one least of all ourselves.

Relax. Breath. Just BE!

EXCELLENT ADVICE, WarriorGal.

Whether we have RA or not, we should never live up to the expectations of others.....nor should we set unreasonable goals for ourselves. You're only in this body once, so get along with it.

i'm not seeing in this in the immediate cards. my cleaning service is on hold ad infinitum or until maybe say 2026...give or take, until you know the parent plus loans in all their wonderful variations are paid for. self care sounds wonderful. it's not an option to pay another human being to wield the proverbial scrub brush. but I am happy for those that can. I would like to hear from the others that can not sub this out - and what they have done (especially those that live alone - happy for those with the well trained partners also....) to end run this. Can I train the dog?

where's alto when you need her?

depot

My dogs CAUSE me more cleaning! LOL. Hubby does not help and I am just doing half assed when I do at all. We have no one over so if hub don't like it, he can help! Christmas we have family party here. I will take day off work and just do the best I can. I cannot afford help either .

I'm so sorry... I have been there.... many times. I hope that you get some rest and feel better soon. Take care of yourself. xo Sun