Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
So, I had my first Melt Down on Monday.
At work, in front of Co-workers...uugghh. It was so not like me.
I have always been the strong one, the one that doesn't cry publicly, the one that deals with things in public and gets upset privately.
I've only worked there for about 5 months and only the owner really knew about my RA. I had an honest talk with him before I started my Enbrel because I wasn't sure how it would effect me.
We got a new client about a week or so ago. I attended a meeting between the client and the owner. I took notes and was supposed to pass the information onto the rest of the staff.
When i got back to the office, I got involved in the day to day hectic stuff and set everything aside.
Well, I completely forgot about the meeting. Monday morning everything was supposed to be in place, but since I didn't tell anyone anything, it was a complete failure.
There were meetings all morning about the problem. I emailed the owner and told him that I had dropped the ball and this was my fault and no one else in the offices.
The Melt Down started, I thought that I had it under control until I was called into a meeting with most of the staff.
Then I cried...
Not because I caused this problem. but because I know that my memory has taken a crap in general. All of the little memory problems that I have had, forgetting words, getting lost in the middle of a thought, forgetting how to get to a location that I have been to 100 times, not being able to figure out which door or enterance into a parking lot to use, all hit at once.
I cried because RA has changed my life and what I used to be able to do, I can't do anymore.
I cried for my losses, memory, mobility, everything in general.
I guess I finally hit the Grief stage of all of this.
I thought that I had it under control... I guess I was just kidding myself.
Kim
At work, in front of Co-workers...uugghh. It was so not like me.
I have always been the strong one, the one that doesn't cry publicly, the one that deals with things in public and gets upset privately.
I've only worked there for about 5 months and only the owner really knew about my RA. I had an honest talk with him before I started my Enbrel because I wasn't sure how it would effect me.
We got a new client about a week or so ago. I attended a meeting between the client and the owner. I took notes and was supposed to pass the information onto the rest of the staff.
When i got back to the office, I got involved in the day to day hectic stuff and set everything aside.
Well, I completely forgot about the meeting. Monday morning everything was supposed to be in place, but since I didn't tell anyone anything, it was a complete failure.
There were meetings all morning about the problem. I emailed the owner and told him that I had dropped the ball and this was my fault and no one else in the offices.
The Melt Down started, I thought that I had it under control until I was called into a meeting with most of the staff.
Then I cried...
Not because I caused this problem. but because I know that my memory has taken a crap in general. All of the little memory problems that I have had, forgetting words, getting lost in the middle of a thought, forgetting how to get to a location that I have been to 100 times, not being able to figure out which door or enterance into a parking lot to use, all hit at once.
I cried because RA has changed my life and what I used to be able to do, I can't do anymore.
I cried for my losses, memory, mobility, everything in general.
I guess I finally hit the Grief stage of all of this.
I thought that I had it under control... I guess I was just kidding myself.
Kim
you must have very quiet coworkers mine will nag and pester me about the smallest (and sometimes stupidest) things ...makes it hard to forget...lol
ww
Kim, hearing your story reminds me that Im normal and that Im not alone for that I thank you!
Stay strong Girl!
OMG! I just thank Goodness for ALL of you out there!! If it ween't for this site I would have to be locked up!!!
Don't have any wise & wonderful thoughts for you except to say hang in there & know you are NOT alone in this journey!
Just a few thoughts for you based on what you've written here:
* I'd be willing to bet that the owner of the company (and many of your co-workers, I bet) respect your strength and contribution to the team in nearly all situations. That is highly likely to offset this single incident.
* Yes, you forgetting a step in the process resulted in a pickle, but you took responsibility quickly and clearly. That goes a long way toward contributing to the resolution. Good for you.
* You have every right to grieve about your losses, including this one. I think we've all had moments like this when we're being very honest with ourselves.
* It might help to remember that it's not the falling down that gets you in trouble - it's the staying down. You've handled the outcome professionally. You are *not* staying down - you're making the best of the situation and moving on. That may even be inspirational to others who have their own private crosses to bear.
I hope you check back in and let us know how things are going! I wish you well and hope this is just a temporary stumbling block on your way to acceptance and peace.
Not because I caused this problem. but because I know that my memory has taken a crap in general. All of the little memory problems that I have had, forgetting words, getting lost in the middle of a thought, forgetting how to get to a location that I have been to 100 times, not being able to figure out which door or enterance into a parking lot to use, all hit at once.
I am just about to hit 2 years with this diagnosis, so I guess I thought if it was going to happen it would have already.
I know we have had many posts in the past about whether to tell people about the RA or not and the reactions that we have gotten. I have a heart warming story to tell about that.
Ever since I started this new job, there has been one lady in the office that just won't cut me a break. She questions everything that I do and always has an opinion about how I should do it differently. We have ended up in the bosses office together 2 times already. His solution was to assign us to a project to work on together to see if we could work this all out. It didn't work, she did her portion and I did mine, never did the two meet except for an occasional question.
She was sitting next to me in the meeting that I broke down in. She said please don't cry, we aren't trying to be mean, we are trying to help you. I told her that it wasn't the current situation, it was something personal that I was upset about.
About an hour or so after the meeting she came into my office to make sure that I was OK. Of course, I started to cry again... She asked if she could help and I was at that point where I felt I needed to explain why I was still breaking down 3 hour later.
She listened quietly and then said, I appreciate that you shared that with me, my husband has been diagnosed with RA and Fibromyalgia for 3 years now. He can't work but a few days a week because of his hands, the fatigue and his memory is bad. I now understand what you are going through and I will help you in any way that I can.
Yep, I cried again. This time it was kind of a relief cry because someone understood and didn't judge and actually could relate.
Work has been better the rest of this week. Her and I seem to get along much better now.
I am going to try some of the memory suggestions that you all have given, and hopefully they will help. I have an appointment on Monday with my Rheumie, so I will talk to him about the memory issues. I have mentioned them before, but my PC just says, well we are all getting older...
Thank-you all again. Much Love to All,
Kim