Sorry to hear about this. While on one hand, I "get it' that other people who are lucky enough to not go through what we with RA do, I do NOT get how they can say hurtful things. I myself had a run in with an in law yesterday and she lashed out at me in a big way , even though she claims it was not directed at me, I was the target she said.
Granted , she does carry more of a load helping a family member who has dementia, than I am able to do....but still..I am hurting deeply by her verbal attack.
In your case, you say they never called after your son died.....well in my opinion, that alone speaks volumes about them.

Let me stop my rant here by saying to you, I don't know you but I am so sorry for your loss. You can share your feelings and whatever else, here, and I hope you can gain some moral support.
You deserve it.

You did not ask for this.
Oh shoot, I keep rewriting my sentences over and can't really say what I want , other than I'm glad to be a shoulder to cry on if you want.
(that being said, I am not always around here, as my life has been really stressful the past 5 months.)

hang in there and I wish for you and myself, that we can find peace , and a way to not let the thoughtless people "rent space in our head"....
I saw someone say that on tv once and always liked that. :-)

A while back I read a book written by a lady with RA. Stress of a family kind is as bad for your RA as ny other stress and adds to your lack of health. The lady that wrote the book started isolating those that didn't believe or added stress other ways. She got better once she did that. I have followed that advice for some of my relation even going so far as to tell others I didn't want them to talk about those people to me. My wife saw how much that helped over time and she took the initiative to isolate some of her family that were stressing her becuase she has more then enough to deal with because of my RA. By getting focussed on those that understand and care our life has gotten even better. It is tough to do but the rewards have been real in health and happiness. I found no matter what I said, web sites I recommended, those that are negative and especially those that are by nature trouble makers never change so isolated out made that problem in my life go away.
I am truly sorry you are dealing with people that appear to be selfih, don't care about you (disease and health) and want what they want with no concern for you. I can say since I isolated those out of my life I have found more time to give to those that do care and understand. We have so many hours a day, I believe spending time with those that GET IT is a wonderful reward rather than wasting time on the others.

Thank you for understanding. I have to let it go. So many lessons we have to learn. Hugs. So gratefule for this place.

Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to interact with them. Don't. If you want a relationship with someone you must put effort in and the only way they will learn that is if you put your foot down. I lived with an abusive mother and she had picked it up from her mother. Once I stopped interacting with her I was better off. And she has learned that she can't attack me and expect me to maintain a relationship with her.

Don't give in and don't let your feelings be hurt by them. Spend your thoughts and time on those who are positive in your life.

Your far from alone on this topic. There have been many many people with the same comments on hey over the years. Most people don"t get it, never mind family. In my opinion when it comes to people, if it doesn't have anything to do with them then they don't really care to get informed. I gave up trying to explain it and i no longer give a crap. Take me or leave me. Lost some friends, some family, but like i said, I'm tired of being the only one trying to explain it. hey, you can lead a horse to water............you know the rest.

Believe in yourself. I have felt resentment and hurt due to lack of understanding from those I love and those who love me....but I have come to realize that unless you live RA- you can't comprehend RA. I have also learned I am ignorant to issues others are experiencing.
I feel bad that they did not acknowledge the passing of your son. That is something I have not experienced- yet being a mother- it would be my worst nightmare, If these people are parents I cannot imagine them not having compassion. My deepest sympathies.

~ GROUP HUG ~

We all in some way or another have this issue. I have given up trying to explain.... I see it this way, this is MINE, not anyone else's issue. I have a friend who's hubby had MS, her exact words, UNLESS YOU LIVE IT, YOU DON'T GET IT!!! Now, she get's it and I go to her for support. I have often said the one that you thought would hold your hand is the same one that let's go. My new theory is this " I am only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand"
I have often said if this disease was Visible, maybe some would then get it. My hubby said I can't feel your pain, BINGO, but you can try to understand it.... Just smile & hang in there, we are all here for each other and sometimes that might be all we have with the understanding, I'll take it... Thank you all for being here for me and for each other.... Gentle Hugs :O))

Thank you all for you wise words. I can only control myself and how I respond. This journey is a path of learning and hopefully I will grow wiser and more patient with myself. This is such a wonderful place filled with compassion. Thank you again and hugs to all.

Clearly, we can all relate to this one. I don't know how many times I've felt it and said it. It's isolating. I've gotten it from family and from friends. I have lost some friends over it. I think it has made me less judgmental and more compassionate. I realize I don't know the full experience behind others behaviors.

We all know from experience that no one else understands, even well meaning people.
I am at a loss however, why it is your problem to fly down and pick up their mother.
AND if my husbands' family had never called about my sons death....I am afraid I would never call them or visit them.
I very much sympathize with your fellings over their lack of understanding or concern. This is always painful. But I think it may be time to limit interactions with this family....at least until they can pretend to care.

Also, in re-reading your post, it angers me that people will tell other people they need couseling becasue they are sick????
have never understood this, and it has greatly reduced my interaction with my spouses family.....one person in paticular. She has never liked me, but always been polite, until I became sick. Now that my symptoms are better and I can actually attend family gatherings, i enjoy (in a totally un-christian way) finding her when she's in the midst of an enjoyable sisterly huddle and standing as close to her as i can and speaking at the tail end of everything she says. I follow her as she tries to scoot around the group to escape, all the while smiling and expreesing enourmous interest in the conversation. I only do this for about ten minutes, and then I leave her alone............but it gives me such a feeling of victory, I have annoyed my nemesis once again!

Perhaps I do need counselling..............but not just yet!