FAMILY!!! UGH! My younger sister (8 years younger than me) have had problems over the years too. My Mom had major surgery last year and my sister wanted to come stay with her after her surgery. My sister lives in another state and my Mom and I live together. I had told my Mom that it would not be a good idea but....anyway we ended up getting in a big argument and my sister went back home. Basically she took he off her facebook site and hasn't called me since. It's OK though. My sister interfered with my relationship with my daughter when she was just 12 years old, telling her I was controlling and had problems. My daughter is now 21 and she had told me what she said and back then I knew we would never be close. Anyway...I've learned that I am only responsible for how I act and treat other people. It's helped me to pray for her and to give it to God. I can't change anyone. I know it's hard to do but once you let go of it you'll be so much happier! Good luck!

Stress can be a problem with RA - but isn't the reunion worth it? Only you can make the decision. For me, I would go, but you have to decide if it's worth it for you,

Thank you guys for your replies. I'm not sure it is worth it? The little time they might miss me and me miss them is pretty small compared to how much damage stress can affect me for the long term. When I am around my sister I have never been able to control my
anxiety level. She pushes every button I have
and I'm exhausted from trying to let it roll
off of me. Maybe I didn't explain my concern
very well. The sister issue we all have. The
STRESS of this or any other problem in life
is what concerns me. Does stress itself make
RA worse as it does with many other health problems?
Does stress bring on symptoms of RA faster
than it other wise might develop? Has any one
noticed this to be a trigger with flare ups?

Relationships are one of the most challenging yet meaningful parts of our lives. Relationships that need repaired are a major source of stress, too!! I think it is great that you are tryi to organize this reunion to help mend things with your sister. Perhaps she was not aware of your purpose. They say that stress can be an RA trigger but again, your relationship with her was a source of stress to begin with. There are always going to be stresses in our lives - the key is adopting a coping mechanism that works best for you (I'm still trying to find mine, LOL!) - meditation, yoga, prayer, exercise, painting, music, a nice soak in the bathtub, etc...keep us posted.

I'm not sure about stress by itself, but I am definitely more emotional as a whole than I was pre RA. Hoping it is just temporary as I am adjusting. How long have you been dealing with RA?

Yes, Stress and especially emotional stress can be a major trigger for rheumatoid.

I lost my mother 2 months ago on the 6th and the emotions of it sent me into the flare from hell.

Her origanal and very strange sickness is what set mine back into motion with a vengence.
I was at the hospital alot and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong and she was dying of no platelets.
Long story short, her immune system attacked her platelets. A rare thing call thrombocytoenia.

I have heard other posters say that severe emotional stress can definitly play a role.

Now that I said that, I was reading your posting and noticed that you took the initiative to try and work this out with your sister.
Maybe if you guys have been emailing back and forth, she just didn't think it would be a problem for both of you to stay?
Just a thought.

One more thing to think about. If you don't go, you may still be stressed out because you may be home worrying and wondering what they are doing at the reunion YOU planned.


My sister and I had some pretty severe problems that we couldn't get over for years.
Mainly her abusive controlling husband being verbally abusive to everyone in our family and her allowing it.

In my mothers last few months we made peace. We had too help my mother and I wanted my mother to dye peacefully.
Forgiveness wasn't easy and she still rattles my cage sometimes, but I know that now that Moms gone, we need each other.

She called just tonight to check on my after my doctors visit.

She finaly sees my side and I see SOME of hers.
But nothing is worth losing my family.
Mom dying proved that to me.

Good luck.
Hugs,
Missy

Maybe your sister made the asumption you'd be staying also for the reunion and thought this would be a chance for a reunion between the two of you after you have broken the ice? I don't know your circumstances, but I do know Satan loves tearing families apart. He doesn't want you to reunite with your sister and will be working double time to keep you apart and if you have a flare because of all the stress, well that would just make his day! You have the power to change this circumstance just in the attitude you take and the actions that result from it. Peace be with you.

Family stress is tough, whether or not you have RA, but I also think that if there's a way to work out family stuff, you should try. I don't think you have to take it on yourself to make everything perfect, but perhaps do what you can to reach out, and meet in the middle. I have some strange family dynamics, too, and there are things I'm willing to work through, and things that are just too stressful to deal with right now. Maybe you can find a middle road as far as the reunion and leave the stuff with your sister alone for a while?

Stress can definitely effect how you are feeling with RA, so try to remain calm and let things go as they may.

There are some theories that RA can be initially triggered by changes in the genome, and that the triggers can be anything from infection, dust, smoking, environmental chemicals, and stress. Since I don't believe RA runs in my family, I think that the fact I've been going through incredible amounts of stress over the past few years may have been enough to trigger the RA. I'm still not so good at handling it sometimes, but I guess I have to find better ways of dealing with things so I don't flare every time things get rough.

Stay on your medications; eat, rest, and exercise; and do all the things you would normally do to take care of your RA. If you decide to do the reunion, accept the family time you get, and let the rest that you can't deal with just roll off you like water.

sounds like maybe your daughter isn't "inside" or "invested" int the disgruntlement between the two old folks! that's kind of a good thing? like she has her own relationship with her aunt outside of the two sisters? i could be wrong so just slap me upside the head! rifts work differently in families. you'll always be the precious mom to your precious daughter so try not to make her choose loyalty sides, side step the whole thing and tell then both you think it's darn wonderful! Unless you specifically have to get hotel accomodations elsewhere as there is no extra cot sleeping room at the house, maybe you'll all end up together for a few days without doing bodily harm to each other :) seriously, we have some rifts in the family but the older we get the more we just try to naturally work around them or ignore them. since we can't change anyone substantially, all we can control is our response to those that are no longer our cup of tea even though related by blood. i hope you take care of yourself and enjoy seeming some of the family members that you miss. don't expect any big changes between the two sisters and you will not be disappointed.

I appreciate so much all of your comments and
you gave me a lot to think about. I am happy
to say I have been able to not enter fear with
my sister and my daughters relationship and they have a really good one. The thing I hate the most is I haven't been able to shake the
horrible resentment I have for my sister. I believe in forgiveness and taking responsibility for my on actions but this has
been a "Biggy" in my life and it seems to
continue. Many of you said I could possibly
be mis interpreting my sisters behavior and
that is a good point and also remembering how
nice it will be to see my other family members.
It is so important to me not to let any of my
problems with my sister effect any one else
and I've been praying a lot about that.
The point about possibly being more emotional
since my diagnois is a good thought. How could
I not be learning I have this lovely gift? :)
Thank you all so much for your support, it's
so nice to know some one understands with out
judgement and good advice.:)

p.s. I can't seem to get my picture to come
up when I post a message. It came up on my
profile shouldn't it come up here also?

Something I wanted to share with you that I learned about forgiveness, is that you don't forgive because the other person has done anything to earn forgiveness, but you do it for yourself. You forgive so you don't have to carry the weight of that baggage with you. Holding on to resentment towards someone else is such an exhausting activity. Not forgiving means you are going to be constantly thinking about that other person and not having time to enjoy yourself and your life. You owe it to yourself for your health to find away to step over whatever it is that caused the rift with your sister. Forgiving is not a passsive activity, it is active and something you will find yourself having to practice doing when you are in the company of whomever it is you are trying to forgive especially if they keep repeating the offense. I can say this because I have an ex husband. It is always best to resolve conflict with others, but if this is something that you know is not going to happen right now in your life, then just remember you are forgiving for your peace of mind. Sometimes it helps to visualize the situation, think of your resentment towards your sister as being a heavy ball on the end of a large chain you are dragging around with you. Take care of yourself and work on your healing. Hugs, Elizabeth

Thank you Elizabeth, your words gave me a new
way of looking at my situation that finally
gives me a little peace. I have always said
I forgive my sister but I haven't really convinced myself or any one else. You gave me some hope, bless you! Hugs to you too.:)