Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
Sat before Thanksgiving we get a call from our son. His 39 year old wife was dead and he was devastated! Needless to say, so were we. No prior warning or anything. She did have fibro but could not get a doctor to treat her for that. She also had mitro valve prolapse since she was a child but never had any symptoms of this. To top it all off, our 10 yr old grandson found his mother dead in her bed. We are waiting for the results of the autopsy to find out what happened. We drove 16 hours from Florida to Maryland to be with our son and his boys. The trip did not bother me physically, as I was focused on being with my son. We then drove for 2 days to Mississippi for the funeral and burial at her family plot. Yesterday, we drove all day home. Today I had my infusion of Orencia which I should of had on Nov 25th. Now on Sunday, I will fly to Maryland to help my son get her affairs in order and to take care of the 10yr old until Josh can go on dayshift and find someone to take care of Jay before school. My son had been raising his stepson for 11 years and right after his wife died, the dad came and took his 15 yr old back to MS. So my son and youngest grandson lost half of their family in 4 days time. I am so hoping and praying that I do not have a flare during this time. I was given a steroid pack while I was in Maryland and it has helped. I know stress is not good and the holidays are stressful just on their own, let alone a death. We will be driving back on the 23rd and 24th to Florida so we can be all together for Christmas. Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk. Our Thanksgiving was horrible and we spent it on the road traveling. may God Bless you all for the upcoming Christmas season. Thanks again for listening.
Continued prayers for you.
But I commend you for focusing on your grandson...he's at the age where mortality is just sinking it. I had an uncle and grandmother die when I was that age and throws you for a loop. Stay in touch with him. We older folks(I'm 64) have learned how fragile life is and how to deal with deaths. He has not and you can be a huge help to him in guiding him through this. It's tragic enough to lose your mom and to be the one to find her but once the shock wears off, it will be dealing with life's realities....really hard at age 11.
If I can, I'd like to add some advice in case it turns out to be a suicide...need to be prepared for what you don't want to hear.
My sister-in-law was the one who found her mom, dead in the home pool. She had taken a huge OD and then gone into the pool to make sure she died. What I have learned from her(she's now a double PhD psychologist) is that people often set it up so the person they love and trust the most is who they want finding them. It's not a punishment to have them find them but an act of love. To them, this is the only person they trust to make sure they are taken care of in their time of extreme emotional pain. Should that end up being the cause of her death, make sure he knows from moment 1, that she did it this way because she loved and trusted him more than anyone else in this world. It will help him heal should this be the cause.
Now for you...you must take care of you. The pred pack helps with the Orencia(been on it for 7 years myself). Do you take MTX as well? If so, I'd ask your doc about increasing it a bit to help. You need your body right now so even an increase of 1 pill or 2, may help you a lot.
Eat well. Sleep often and deeply even if you need a med for that too. Take vitamins to keep your body healthy. Get your flu shot if you haven't. Be selfish.
I've had to deal with way too many deaths...mom and dad when I was in my early 20's, my best friend at 20, my nephew at 36 and since I've been long term hospitalized for PTSD, I hung around with people who hurt as much as I did and have lost at least 2 dozen of them. I have been through more funerals than most my age.
Suggest that if they don't have it already, your grandson and his older step-brother both get Skype....free for the home but they need a camera and then they see each other and talk to each other whenever they want to. Both need that support.
I'm here if you need to talk. And my prayers for your late daughter-in-law.
Gentle, gentle hugs for you as well.
Jen
Juls
Don't know how early Josh will have to be at work, but some schools do offer morning programs. I hope Jay's school and Josh's employer are outdoing themselves trying to help these guys work everything out. Although it may feel like it, they're not the first family that has had the walls come crashing down. There is logistical help out there, emotional support, too. Someone in-the-know needs to hook these guys up with what's available.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, too. Wish I lived close enough to bring you all dinner one night.