So sorry you are having a hard time right now but you are strong and things will get better... I know with an illness we can only take so much.... and you sure have a lot of things going on in your life... We do have melt downs now and then that is for sure... Sometimes things just keep adding up... Hope things with your Mom are not all that bad and as for your daughter heading off to college... my daughter's oldest daughter started college last year and she had a very hard time letting her go. They talk every day which makes it not so bad. They go to the college and visit or granddaughter comes home when she can...
I will keep you in my prayers. Take care and get some rest it might help. Nancy

I am so sorry you are going through all of that. I don't know if this will help, but here's how I've tried to get healthier mentally and emotionally when I'm feeling like crap: Talk to yourself the way you would to a good friend. We all have a tendency to beat up on ourselves -- why aren't you healing faster? what if "X" happens? etc. But if a friend came to you for help, you wouldn't talk that way to her. I've learned that I need to talk to myself (in my head, lol) just as kindly as I would to someone else. "I am strong. I will get through this. I have a lot on my plate, and I need to cut myself some slack."

Again, so sorry for all you're dealing with. Hope my rambling makes a bit of sense.. it's getting late here.

Gentle hugs,
Julie

Kimberly, I am so sorry you are having such a time with everything. Does it help to know that your meltdown has helped me with my meltdown tonight? I know this doesn't sound rational, but reading about you has helped me to see that I have so much to be thankful for. I am in the middle of a very bad flare, but it could be so much worse. I will keep you in my prayers and just remember that God loves you and he will provide for you. Sometimes not in the way you expect it, but he is there. Rest, if you can and just take one minute at a time. Hugs!

Kimberly....

You know I was reading this and I thought...there go I. As a man and one that has basically been very independent most of my life, we hate to let others see us at our weakest point but I too, have had a couple of meltdowns since all this RA stuff started. I've always believed in the verse in the Bible that tells us..."God won't give you more than you can handle." However, there are times when I sit back and think, I'm handling an awful lot, I could use some help here. (smile)..... When I realized that life will give me more than I can handle and come to grips with this, I find a promise: God is faithful to meet me in the mess and at least let me endure.

I've found myself on more than one occasion just letting it go and broke down and cried like a baby in front of my wife and not long ago while visiting my son, I lost it. It wasn't so much from the pain we all suffer at times. I think it mostly from my pride. There was not much I couldn't do but now it seems like there's not much I can do and that translate to a man (at least me) as failing.

Bottom line, I think a support group like this is what we all need, to let off steam, cry on each others shoulders when needed or just vent and let it all out. One thing for sure is we've all been there and done that...and try to take the good with the bad.

Bless you and you and everyone on this board are in my thoughts and prayers daily......

Well said Grandpa2one and I both agree and understand
...
Pretty sure that I have not mentioned it here, but about 2 months ago and the night before I had an appointment with my endovascular surgeon, I had a dream that when he walked into the little room he was carrying a huge book of all the cr*p that was wrong with me and I started to cry and then woke up, made coffee and sat on the back porch for a while. Well, when he walked in for the appointment, he was carrying about 3 inches of paper and Yepper, I lost it for real. No sobbing, no wailing, just streams of water from both eye. He asked me if I was OK and I didn't say a word - just glared at him. He told MBDs2 that he would call her later, to take me home and give me some cr*p that was suppose to make me sleep.

I guess the stress of two doctors appointments a day for 4 days just finally got to me.

Someone said men don't cry. Yes they do. Things can finally overwhelm us too.

Kimberly97, my dear. This has been a tough year for you and I am so sorry that you continually have to deal with these unpleasant things. Know that I pray for you each night and wish with all my power that there was something I could do to make all the "stuff" go away.
Peace
Bluedogs2

Kimberly, hang in there. There is another side. Sometimes we have go through a lot of muck before we cross to the other side. Venting here is quite healthy. I hope you can get some rest in the midst of all of this.

Hugs

Hi Kim, I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. Life is so hard sometimes, but it will get better. It's like a rollercoaster, sometimes up and sometimes down. God bless you and please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Lynn

Thank you ever do much all of you. I feel a little better today I did need to let go. I'm so amazed by all the care I get here no one ever says stop your complaining or what's wrong with you pull yourself together. I pray for all of us too I know The Lord gets me thru. I hope I can minister to others they my own pain. I'm so blessed to have you all in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Kimberley, you've had more than your share lately. I'm glad to hear you had a meltdown. Trying to keep it in isn't good for you. There comes a point . . . I'm glad things look a little sunnier today.

Grandpa & Bluedogs, bless you both. yes, men can and do cry. The difference is, when women lose it we're often told we are overreacting or being silly. When men cry, it scares the $%#& out of everybody!

Prayers for you and all! It is hard at times. sometimes people look at you like you have nothing wrong with you and can't understand why you are having so much trouble. I actually had someone tell me the other day OH your RA is not that bad. I thought , REALLY?! How does she know.It is mentally and physically exhausting and then when life throws us curveballs. it can be tough. Keep your chin up. I pray for your strength!

hang in there kimberly. it's rough if you are being the caretaker and you need caretaking AND you are the sandwich generation no less!

Plus college applications and tours huh? you daughter will fly. she'll send 4.0 reports back. you can skype :), and send boxes, tons and tons and tons of boxes, boxes with cookies, boxes with candy, boxes with endless amounts of crap she forgot from her room. i think I am busier with both of them on college campuses than when they were causing mayhem under the roof :)

i'm on orencia, and have no side affects - what are you side affects? orencia was s l o w giving me any return of impovement going in. in case you just started. i felt like i slid backwards going in. i didn't fit all their beautiful glossy marketing materials for prancing through a field of daisies and laughing.

as to you: the woman in the mirror is still beautiful she just has more challenges than before.

hugs
Ros

It is too much. It piles up. Having a meltdown is probably the best and healthiest response in the circumstances. That huge emotional outburst and collapse. Hope you have been able to be supported and sleep, sleep, sleep after. You dont actually go into details to say if this happened.

There is only so much each individual can manage - different for each of us. Just hope there is someone available for you. With your mum being sick and your daughter probably having very mixed feelings about the health of those around her and her college years ahead hoping there is another.

And hey - really weight and stuff like that dont matter if those around us love us. You can sort it later things more settled.